At 4:50 PM on Tuesday, August 2, 2011, a 44-year relationship ceased to exist. Caroline Dillon Carpenter left this world after a nearly 30-year battle with M.S.
Caroline, my buddy, Dudley Carpenter (her husband) and I met each other during the early days of our graduate school experience at Syracuse University. We were three young kids, fresh out of college, each with a graduate assistantship at Syracuse. That brought Dudley and Caroline together. Dudley and I were both in Sequence 20 of the Television and Radio M.S. program at the Newhouse School of Communications. That brought Dudley and me together and that set of circumstances started a 44-year life journey as friends and as husband and wife for Dudley and Caroline.
Like many relationships of this kind, there were times when we were very close and times when we were more distant, but the connection and bond was never severed. Our history and experiences together are a colorful tapestry. I was part of their wedding party. They were part of my wedding party. We traveled a bit together. We crewed on the Pegasus, a 40’ boat owned by Dudley’s parents, with a colorful history of people and fun experiences. Dudley and I worked together in one of my early businesses. Dudley went into the Army and I went into the Air Force during Vietnam – and we cross-pollinated each other’s lives with people from both our military experiences.
I can still see Caroline rolling her eyes every time Dudley and I would go off on one of our off the wall extemporaneous comic routines. Caroline was a sweet southern girl from a small town in the north central mountain area of North Carolina. Dudley and I were two Jersey Boys who grew up about five or six miles from one another in neighboring cities in northern New Jersey, but didn’t meet until we were 22 and 23 years old as we began our graduate studies at Syracuse. For a southern gal to put up with one Jersey boy is asking a lot – but dealing with two of us should never be endured by any proper southern woman. Caroline was masterful in dealing with us both.
Where do 44 years go? It seems like only a short while ago that we were young and ambitious and full of the piss and vinegar that youth is all about. Caroline pursued a career with the American Bankers Association. Dudley spent most of his professional life as an independent writer/producer of industrial video productions. I was a serial entrepreneur ever restless and starting different businesses. Yet, we were connected. Dudley and Caroline had a marriage that endured for 42 years. Caroline was robbed of her freedom with a case of MS that was diagnosed nearly 30 years ago. She endured, she was a good mother, she was a good wife and partner – even as the disease progressed and robbed her of more and more of her life. Dudley and Caroline have a wonderful and talented daughter, Kelly, who is an excellent professional singer and entertainer. Kelly is the result of a supportive mother and father who encouraged her to follow her dream.
While my marriage ended amicably, fortunately, after nearly 20 years, Dudley and Caroline weathered the trials and the travails of years marital and parenting challenges, plus the ravages of a disease that never goes away and only becomes progressively more debilitating. It pained me deeply when I spent time with Caroline during the last few years of her life as it became more and more difficult for her to enjoy any quality of life. But, Dudley garnered my admiration as a REAL man’s man. He stood by his woman. He lived the words of his marriage vows that talked about – “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” I know there were some very difficult times. Perhaps Dudley might use stronger words. From my perspective he handled being the husband, the housekeeper and the 24/7 caregiver of his wife who was deteriorating before his eyes and he did it with grace. Additionally, as the proud father of a daughter building a career in the entertainment industry, he provided her with professional and moral support. He even managed to practice his own profession and sang with regional choral groups and worked with the local community theater when he could squeeze it in.
But, this isn’t about Dudley. I only mention this because Caroline’s last years could have been and, most likely, would have been far worse if 44 years ago she hadn’t met her Jersey boy at Syracuse University. Her departure will leave a huge void in Dudley’s heart and life, but now Caroline is free from the ravages of the disease that ultimately took her life and the pain she endured. Dudley will spend some time figuring out what to do with his new freedom and I’m sure he’ll catch up on lots of living that he willingly sacrificed for Caroline.
As for me? Well, Caroline is the very first person/close friend of what I call my “Inner Circle” to die. My Inner Circle is comprised of the very few people who are my contemporaries and who have impacted and been a part of my life for 44 years, more or less. I’ve lost numerous family members and friends over the years, but none from my Inner Circle until now. Caroline leaves a hole in my heart. It will heal, but it will leave a scar as a reminder for the rest of my life. Her departure is possibly a more significant reminder and motivator of the fragility of life and the short duration we are granted. I will miss her. But, she will remain with me in spirit as the friend she was and remind me that living free is now my true mission in life. Tomorrow I will travel to Sparta, NC to celebrate Caroline's life at the mountaintop home she loved and lived out her last years.
First, there were three . . . now, there are two. Rest in peace, Sweet Caroline.
