We Don’t Need All That We Want!

This is the second post in the “12 Great Truths” series. I think this is pretty obvious. Most of us are familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. These are the basic motivators that cause us to take action. These needs are usually depicted in the shape of a pyramid with the most basic needs at the bottom forming the foundation. Here are the needs as described by Maslow and I’ve put them in the order they appear in the pyramid with the most basic needs at the bottom and the highest level need at the top.

Self-Actualization
Esteem Needs
Social Needs
Safety Needs
Physiological Needs.

So, starting with the most basic needs, the foundation of the pyramid, physiological needs include food, air, water, shelter, clothing and sleep. We could consider these survival needs since it would be hard to need something else if you were always hungry or didn’t have fluids to hydrate your body since our bodies are mostly composed of water. We also need to breathe and we’ll do whatever we have to in order to keep oxygen in our system, it’s basically as important as water. Then we want to have some kind clothing to protect us against the cold of winter and shield us from the sun during the summer. Of course, we want someplace to get out of the elements whether a cave, a tent or some kind of lean-to. And finally, we need rest. If you’ve never tried sleep deprivation – and if you have the nerve – try it some time. It won’t take you long to understand why it is one of the methods most often used by interrogators and those who use it as a form of torture to extract sensitive information from those trained to resist divulging such information like military personnel and intelligence agents. Be careful if you try it. Don’t drag it out too long. The consequences can be traumatic and even dangerous. Bottom line, humans will do whatever it takes to meet these needs before all else.

Once our physiological needs have been met, we move up to the next level, Safety Needs. These needs are also called security needs and include such things as some kind of steady and secure employment or a way of generating a regular living that will provide the basic needs and other security needs. The other security needs include access to health or medical care – we normally think of this in the form of some kind of health insurance; a safe neighborhood, a village or a community; and more secure shelter then the most basic shelter one might use to meet this physiological need. This shelter could be an apartment, a house or even a room in a communal living situation. It’s important to note, however, that we won’t concern ourselves with this level of needs until the physiological needs have been and continue to be met.

Moving up the pyramid, we begin desiring a way to fulfill Social Needs. Social needs are where we begin needing companionship, acceptance, romantic relationships where our nesting and procreation desires become evident. Once again, according to Maslow, humans need to satisfy the first two levels – physiological and safety needs before we have both the time and confidence to consider this third level. This level also includes such activities as joining and participating in community, religious and other forms of social groups that become important for fulfillment. We develop friendships, mates, participate in various functions and activities of different forms of community – playing sports, helping others, joining committees, becoming volunteer firefighters or rescue squad members and so on.

So, we’ve climbed up three levels of Maslow’s pyramid. We’ve met the most basic needs of survival. We’ve reached a level of safety and security. We belong to a mating relationship, enjoy companionships with other people in the communities we’ve joined, we contribute in some manner to the well-being of others in the community and we receive acceptance and a feeling of fulfillment. What’s next?

Esteem Needs are the next level. This is the level where we experience the second Great Truth. When we reach this level we begin doing things and acquiring things to make us feel good, create a feeling of self-esteem, perhaps, build our status in our community, look for ways to build our self-worth, seek various kinds of recognition and status and work towards accomplishments that feed other areas of esteem needs. This means climbing the corporate ladder, earning higher levels of monetary compensation, acquiring a larger and more luxurious home or multiple homes, more expensive trappings, transportation, often in multiple forms that visually announce your status. This list can go on endlessly.

I said this is where the Great Truth that “we don’t need all that we want” comes into play. The problem is that we don’t know that we don’t need all that we want. We want to display our success and the best way to do that is to acquire more and more trappings of success. We believe that since we have the income to acquire these trappings that we need them. Actually, they are wants, not needs, but we can very easily transform them in our minds to needs. Unfortunately, one day, many of us and, perhaps, most of us, will realize that all we needed was the use of these things for a short period of time. However, we’ve acquired them and most of these things we will acquire will depreciate in tangible value very rapidly. We’ll use the items for a season (figuratively or literally) and then they’ll just be put in the attic, the basement, the garage, the out building – or the worse scenario – we’ll rent storage space for them and pay insurance on things that continue to depreciate (reducing our “wealth”) and costing us even more to store them with no reasonable expectation of recovering any of that money. In other words, we shovel money down a big, black, bottomless hole. Some people will have enough presence of mind to get rid of these things, take the loss and move on. But, they’ll probably continue to keep acquiring more.

Now, it’s not my position to judge whether these purchases are right or wrong, good or bad, wise or foolish. Since this step on the pyramid is about individual esteem, we each have to make these judgments and choices for ourselves. Some of us will realize this early and make different decisions then others. Some of us may come to the conclusion that a less expensive car does the same job as a very expensive Rolls Royce. A Timex or Seiko watch tells the same time as a $5,000 Rolex. We may choose not to join the very costly country club that other professional colleagues or neighbors have found they “needed” to join. Does this make one person better or more important then the other? No! It just means that they have different value systems. There was certainly a time when I had a drive to make enough money to acquire all the trappings of success. But, when I reached a point where I was able to realize some of them, I found that they really didn’t make me feel any different and once the novelty wore off, like the diamond pinky ring I acquired – I never wore it. It simply laid in a jewelry box – with other jewelry I also didn’t wear. I even bought a faux Rolex at one time just to see if it attracted any attention. It really didn’t. I don’t even wear a watch now and I have a better sense of time without it.

I came to the realization a couple years ago that I was squandering the most precious commodity I had – and I didn’t even have to work for it, it was a gift given to me when I was born. It is my TIME! I wasn’t particularly happy even though I was living quite well. But, I felt like I was a prisoner in a jail I had built for myself. It was then that I began seeking, for me, what I needed to fulfill my esteem needs. I realized for me there were really only two things that motivated me – Time (to live and do the things I wanted to do for myself) and Freedom (to be able to do those things I wanted to do when, how, where and with whom I chose to). I also realized that ultimately, there are only two things that mattered to me. One is love – to love and to be loved. The other is happiness – and I discovered happiness is an attitude and a state of mine and I had complete control over my attitude and state of mind.

Now, I can use all the time I have left any way I desire.

I am free and my work is to live and work free – and I can do that for the rest of the time I have left.

I know I’m loved by people all over the US and in other parts of the world – these are not romantic relationships, rather friendships that have endured decades. I don’t currently have a romantic relationship, but if that happens, great, if it doesn’t, I’m still loved and fulfilled in that area of my life.

And finally, I can be happy for the rest of the time I have left (and I sure hope that’s going to be at least a couple more decades).

I’ve also learned to ask myself a simple question when I find myself in any kind of shopping environment – a store, warehouse retailer or on-line. The question is, “Can I live without this?” Interestingly, the answer is, mostly, always yes. I’ve found that I don’t need all that I want.

This brings us to the final and top level of the pyramid, Self-actualization Needs. I believe that I’ve reached that level. I know a number of friends of mine who have been at this level for quite some time. I also know some people who are older then I am who have not reached this level, yet. So, what does self-actualizing mean? It means that you are self-aware, interested in you own personal growth, have stopped caring as much about other people’s opinions of you and seek to fulfill your potential. Maslow described this need as follows:

"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."

I hope you can, also, see that reaching the level of self-actualization doesn’t necessarily mean that one has acquired great status, a huge income, multiple luxury homes, expensive cars and clothes and all the other trappings. Some people will achieve those things and then realize that those are not the things that fulfill them. Others (as I described my own circumstance) will realize self-actualization without accumulating great financial wealth and all the trappings. Most of the focus of my life now, including this blog and my plans for my future, is about continual personal growth, realizing my potential and helping others learn how to live and work free to achieve their own fulfillment and happiness. Unfortunately, some people will always stay at the first level – like those who are homeless people and chronically poor. Many more will reach the second level. Others will achieve the third level and we would, typically, call this group the middle class. Less will achieve the fourth level and these folks make up, what we refer to as the upper middle class and upper class. But, self-actualizing, in my opinion, can be achieved by anyone when they reach the point where they realize they have something they can give to others and ultimately, the world. When we realize that we don’t need all that we want, but we have something we can contribute to others and the world, we will feel fulfilled, begin reaching our fullest potential and live a happier, freer life.

There is a lot more that can be said about self-actualization, but I’ll save that for another post.

Next time, “Giving is greater then getting!”

Enthusiastically,
Ed