Everything
can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms -
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose
one's own way. - Viktor E. Frankl
Today
was another of those days where Carolyn drove me over the 7
mountains and through the 7 valleys back to Winchester and the Cancer
Center. Today is Monday and the day I had my 19th
radiation treatment.
If
you read yesterday's long post that covered yesterday and the
previous five days, you know that last week was quite a week for me.
I'll be honest. The fatigue factor is pretty much, at least to date,
the only major side effect I'm experiencing from this protocol of
radiation five days a week and chemotherapy once a week. But, when I
say I'm experiencing fatigue, I mean I AM EXPERIENCING FATIGUE.
I
had a good night of sleep last night. But, again, being honest. I
really was not looking forward to the drive to Winchester. I had
little appetite last night and that carried through until this
morning. I know I MUST eat and maintain my weight and I must hydrate
constantly. But, between the fatigue and, what I'll call, the mild
dread (although it's really not as bad as I'm making it sound) of
another treatment, it's hard to maintain my attitude and my
motivation.
Carolyn
is doing such a great job of helping me keep my attitude up. And, she
reminds me, in a caring way, about the importance of nutrition,
maintaining my weight and hydration. But, it's the continually
increasing levels of fatigue I'm experiencing that is working against
my motivation and attitude.
But,
I'm determined. When I get to the cancer treatment center, as soon as
I approach the door, I stand up straight and strong, put a smile on
my face and yank the positive attitude from the depths of my fatigue.
I walk in with a big smile and a hello for everyone.
This morning,
Karen, at the radiation reception desk, heard me coming before she
even saw me and I heard a “Good morning, Ed,” before I even got
to the desk. I asked how her and Julia's (her co-worker at the desk)
weekend was. Smiles and response of “Great!” came from both of
them.
I
then went to the scanner to scan in my bar code so they'd know in the
treatment area that I had arrived, but Karen said, I already let them
know, just go on in.
One of our fellow radiation treatment patients
had just “graduated” and had his certificate that he was
displaying. The rest of us shook his hand with a certain degree of
envy and wished he and his wife the best for their future. Strangely,
we almost become like a small family.
Then
I heard my name called and there was Michelle waving me back for my
treatment. As always, everything went like clockwork. We had our few
words and a little humor and, #19 treatment became history. And,
the positive of that number means I only have nine more treatments to
go.
Carolyn
had brought her little Pomeranian pooch with us this morning. So,
while I was getting “beamed up,” she took “Honey, I'm Home,”
Honey, for short, for a walk around the large pond behind the cancer
treatment center. We met up at the car and off we went to, yes, once
again, Costco. My fatigue kept me in the car where I relaxed with
Honey. Carolyn picked up the items she wanted, we fueled up her car
and then off we went.
Fifteen
minutes later we were at my friend, Judy's, house and I dragged
myself in – and with Carolyn's assistance got my “stuff”
upstairs to the room I'm using. I walked her back down, we said we'd
see each other on Friday when I'd have my next to the last chemo
treatment and then head back to West Virginia. She left and I barely
dragged myself up to the awaiting bed and collapsed for a while,
hoping to regain a little energy and stamina.
Later,
I sat on the back deck for a while with Judy's little dog and soaked
up some Vitamin D. Then back to the bed for some more rest. When Judy
came home she grilled up a couple steaks I had brought from West
Virginia last Monday. I was actually hungry by that time, although the
baked potato was small and I only consumed about half of my piece of
steak. It's now my lunch for tomorrow.
After
dinner one of my sisters called and I excused myself and told Judy
I'd see her in the morning. I dragged myself up the stairs to my bed,
chatted with my sister for a short while and then decided it was time
to get today's article written.
It sounds like an interesting life,
doesn't it? Well, I'm one of the lucky ones so far. I'm doing great
when I see a lot of other people not doing even a close third to how
well I'm bearing up under these treatments. But, I wouldn't wish this
on my worst enemy.
However, I strongly believe maintaining a
positive attitude and belief that I'm going to be great when this is
all past history is a major part of why I'm doing this well. Blast
the fatigue. Life is still great.
Live
free and be happy. EH
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