Expect The Unexpected

One interesting facet of life is that the old sayings, "The best laid plans of mice and men, often go astray" taken from a Robert Burns poem and "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong," a popular variation of Murphy's infamous law, are almost a given at some and ,usually, many times during one's life.

Some people will say that I'm spouting negative thinking. I beg to differ. I say I'm simply stating a fact of life, negative or positive. If these two statements have never applied at any time during your lifetime to this date, then you're overdue and you have a lot of catching up to do. Life is not perfect and it certainly isn't fair. However, one could (and really should) say the variety of challenges and difficult times we face and work our way through is what makes life interesting. They help us grow to be the strong, capable, competent people most of us become.

So, I simply suggest you accept that you need to . . .

Expect The Unexpected!

This is reality. The unexpected lurks around every corner, over every hill, behind every tree and from, well, the most unexpected places, people and circumstances. This is obviously why they are called unexpected. Even the best of the control freaks among us simply can't control every possibility. Life is just what it is. A giant serendipity and not all the things that befall us are positive.

On January 4, 2015, I was driving on I-5 through an area known as "The Grape Vine." This is a winding and pretty steep section of the interstate highway going over the mountain between the San Joaquin Valley and the San Fernando Valley leading into the Los Angeles basin. As I was progressing westbound up the steep, winding road to the 4,200 foot Tejon pass through the top of the mountain range, I felt the engine losing power. I stayed to the right in the slower truck lane. At about 2,400 feet, the engine failed. I lost all power and fortunately was able to pull off into a large area designed for the 18 wheelers and dual trailer trucks. I was in a safe place.

So, there it was. The unexpected. Did I expect it? Sort of, but not really. I realized that the engine was acting a little peculiar for a while, even on the continental crossing. But, I didn't expect a profound engine failure. Yet, here I was, 84 miles from my Los Angeles area destination and well over a hundred miles from the place I departed from in Clovis, California. I let the engine rest and cool down for about a half hour. I restarted the engine and it ran. It was noisier than before. When I put the transmission in Drive, the van moved forward, but, it had no power. I contemplated my options for a few minutes and decided I'd attempt to limp the 84 miles to my destination. I pulled the van onto the shoulder of I-5 and the best speed I could muster was about 10 mph with occasional spurts to 15 mph on the uphill grade.

I made it up the steep hill and through the pass. On the downhill side gravity would help the van achieve about 45 to 50 mph. So, I pressed on.

More Unexpected

I wasn't a happy traveler, but at least I felt confident I could limp to my destination and address this unexpected engine problem the next day, a Monday. Then, all of a sudden, now on I-405 and a mere 15 miles from my destination, I felt the sickening feeling of a flat tire. Again, I was fortunate enough to be next to a very wide pull off area. I got out, walked around the van, and sure enough, the brand new (less than 225 miles on it) right, rear tire was flat. So, this time I called AAA. It took a little over an hour for someone to arrive and change the tire to the spare.

Back on the road again, the four hour drive stretched to about eight hours when I finally arrived at my destination. The unexpected continued as I learned I was going to either need another engine or to have my engine rebuilt. Then to twist the knife of fate a little deeper, once the engine was rebuilt it seemed to be "possessed" by some kind of "demon." The engine technicians who rebuilt the engine tried everything and every trick in the book to find the problem and exorcise it. weeks then a month and then nearly two months went by before the demon was found and the engine (and van) were finally ready to get me back on the road, almost two months behind my "loose" schedule.

The Moral of the Story

This post is about expecting the unexpected. And, believe me, the  misfortunes I experienced were unexpected. But, with 70 years of my life to fall back on, indeed, even though these were unexpected events, I dealt with them as though I did expect them.

This is not the only incident like this I've experienced. Over my lifetime I can relate tens of experiences. And, if I really wanted to list and count them, it would probably exceed a hundred. Some of them were major life changing events like the death of my father at age 42 (I was 21) at his own hand. Another was my son, barely a toddler at the time, pulling a cup of scalding hot coffee on himself despite extreme efforts to place that cup in a location he couldn't reach. Another was the demise of my first marriage after nearly 20 years together. Even more unexpected was the demise of my second marriage after only seven months. Then there was the diagnosis and nearly fatal case of lymphoma of my third major relationship and the painful demise of that relationship after I nursed her back to health. There was my own diagnosis of prostate cancer culminating in the first and only major surgery of my life. And, then there was my son's emergency surgery for a ruptured spleen at age 15 while living with me, a single parent.

Yes! Life is full of all kinds of unexpected events. I'm sure you can enumerate many of them yourself. The unexpected is what shapes and molds us as individuals. It is these tests of our mettle that determines how we will succeed, muddle through or fail in life. There is another old saying that goes, "God never presents you with any challenges you can't handle." Some of these unexpected events may seem impossible on first examination. Most of us find the strength, courage and motivation to face them down and come out stronger on the other side.

Some of these unexpected experiences will actually be what we might refer to as serendipities. Not all unexpected events and experiences are negative. Many are positive and may be just as life changing as the negative experiences. Additionally, there is frequently a silver lining on the other side of that unexpected "dark cloud." You simply have to be looking for it as you tackle the unexpected.

Here's my current bottom line. I'm writing this article sitting next to My McVansion that's providing me with shade in the Arizona desert near the small town of  Quartzsite. The sky is deep blue, with a few white clouds. The sun is bright. The temperature is about 90 degrees, but in the shade with a pleasant breeze, I'm about as comfortable as I'd be in an air conditioned building. At night the temperature dips into the low to mid 60's and the huge, clear sky reveals a billion, billion stars. I'm camped here with several other full-time, vandwelling nomads who are now friends. We've enjoyed a couple days of camaraderie, sharing ideas, knowledge and experiences. Had I arrived here two months ago when I had originally intended to be here there would have been hundreds of people here. I look at it this way, these are the people I was meant to meet.

Additionally, I got to spend two months with my son, more time together than we've spent together in the past 11+ years. What a blessing that turned out to be. I just spent four days in the Palm Springs area getting to know a person who could be considered my step daughter along with her family. Then I had the opportunity to spend time with my former wife, my son's mother. We've maintained a friendship for the past 25 years since we went our separate ways. Before I left for the desert, my son arrived and the three of us shared a dinner together. I left for the desert. My son left to go back to Los Angeles to catch his flight to Istanbul, Turkey, where he sent me a text from to let me know he arrived safe and sound.

Expect the unexpected. And, when the unexpected makes itself known, deal with the issues and look for the "silver lining" on the other side. 

A Simple Lesson About STRESS

An old college friend dropped me an email last night with the following story. It struck a chord with me and thought it might strike the same chord with you.

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'... She fooled them all .... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz.

She replied , "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night.... Pick them up tomorrow."

You Are Not Alone

Everyone has some stress in life. Actually, doctors say that a certain amount of stress is good for everyone. It keeps us on our toes. It keeps us sharp. It motivates us to take necessary actions and accomplish things that need to be done. But, there is a big difference between that "certain amount of stress" and living in a constantly stressful world where there is always several things on your shoulders and eating away at you.

I like the example of the glass of water the young woman used in her illustration in this story. I have chosen to live free and one of the things I wanted to be free of was the stress I allowed myself to live under for all of my adult life until I began to make significant changes to my lifestyle. There is a good chance you are either still living under all that stress or you remember what it was like and how it could consume you.

We have personal stresses, family stresses, financial stresses, job or business stresses and stresses that aren't yours, but are laid on you by others so you can share their misery. Of course, the reality is that most of our stress is self-imposed. What I mean by that is simply this. We choose to be under stress or accept other people's stress.

Stress often involves fear and worry. If you've read enough self-help, personal development books you've probably read that fear is defined as "False Expectations Appearing Real." If you've never heard that before, you can Google it and find a lot of reading material about "fear."

Worry goes hand in hand with fear and results in stress. In fact, most things people worry about never actually happen. When something does happen it's seldom even close to the consequence the subject of the worry expected. And, in the very, very small percentage of the time when something truly catastrophic happens, there is seldom ever any amount of worrying that could have prevented the outcome. Worry is actually the main component of generalized anxiety disorder, which is a serious mental illness that manifests in any number of physical symptoms and can actually disable individuals. Approximately 7 million people in the U.S. have been diagnosed with the disorder and there are probably a few times that many who have not been diagnosed.

Here's the important thing to think about. If you've made a choice to adopt a "living free" lifestyle, then you should automatically be releasing much of the stress (and fears and worries) you lived with before you made the lifestyle change. If, however, you still are carrying albatrosses around your neck and the weight of the world on your shoulders, you have some serious work to do, yet. You may even want to schedule an appointment with your primary doctor and possibly a clinical psychologist who specializes in stress and stress reduction.

Life Is Short

Let's face it! Life is short! Everyone, yes, including you, were born with a terminal disease. We're all going to die. Now, there are lots of things that can contribute to and cause premature death including accidents of all kinds, diseases of all kinds and STRESS (with its accompanying fear and worry).

Accidents happen and we all hope we won't be the victim of an accident. But, letting this possibility stress you out and cause you to spend your priceless time fearing everything that might result in an action and worrying about it, may actually accelerate your demise from health issues caused by the stress.

The same is true of diseases. No one wants to hear his or her doctor tell you have some form of cancer or coronary disease or any other kind of disease for that matter. So, instead of allowing stress (worry and fear) to control major parts of your life, why not be preemptive. Learn what you need to do at the various stages of life to maintain a healthy body and mind. Don't stress about what might happen, enjoy the health you have and keep yourself healthy (you'll also be happier).

Of course, there is the very small percentage of people who will find out at the 11th hour that they have Stage 4 of some form of cancer or they have a 95% blockage of a major artery or an abdominal aneurysm or something else and it's too late to do anything about it. That is, unfortunately, the luck of the draw. It won't help to spend your time worrying about death, that's going to happen. If you're fortunate enough to know you have three or six months or a year, then having an up to date "Life List" (or Bucket List if you want to be negative about it) is the best possible thing. Focus on that list and start experiencing everything you can on the list immediately. It's actually been documented that people with a list and who attack their list aggressively rather than worrying about the inevitable, will extend their lives.

The one thing you do have the most control over is Stress (and the accompanying fear and worry), so why choose to let stress control your life? Here's a reality. For most of us who have lived an active, busy, hectic occupational life and family life, we've been living under massive stress most of our life and have simply adjusted to it and accepted it as a way of life. Making the choice of letting go of your past life and adopting a lifestyle of freedom may actually be more stressful than your previous stressful lifestyle of the past 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years. It was that way for me. There have only been a few super stressful times in my life (the rest of my stress was just the daily, accepted, constant stress). One of those super stressful times and, perhaps, the most stressful, was when I made the transition from the lifestyle I'd led for about 40 years to my lifestyle of living free.

Reducing Stress Is Stressful

It was a very difficult, challenging and, yes, I'll use the word, stressful experience. And, it's not that four and a half years later I'm without all stress. However, as I've told people, my financial overhead reduced by 80% when I made the transition. I no longer had a house and property on my back. I didn't have all the stuff to warehouse and pay insurance for. I simply figured out what I needed to maintain, like health insurance, vehicle insurance, minimal clothes, etc. and that's all I had to be concerned with. Pleased notice, I said "concerned with" not "worry about" or "stress over." I can honestly say my life is the most stress free it's ever been. I'm personally freer and happier than I've ever been and the only thing I question is why I didn't do it years earlier. I have no desire to ever return to the lifestyle I left. There is absolutely nothing appealing about it or that I miss. And, all the people who I've come in contact with and met who have made this same choice and have been living free (many of them considerably longer than me) have said the same thing.

So, how long can you hold that glass of water at arm's length in front of you before you'll begin realizing the negative impact the "stress" will have on your arm and shoulder? Will you worry you'll spill it? Do you fear that if you spill it you'll damage something? What is making you hold that glass out in front of you at arm's length? Do you have something to prove by it? Do you really care what other people think? You can put it down anytime you choose to. After all, who is the boss of your life? I sure hope you are.