An Attitude of Gratitude . . .

Have you ever taken a moment to do some reverse thinking? No! I don't mean negative thinking. I mean reverse thinking.

I read an interesting guest post in one of the many blogs I subscribe to and read semi-regularly (because I only have the same 24 hours in a day everyone has). The title of the post was "Imagine Life Without This." The author, Nataly Kogan, is an immigrant from the former Soviet Union, who fled with her family at 13 and lived in refugee camps with little food, comfort or any idea if they had a future. She is now, happily in the U.S. and has a new book coming out on May 1st titled "Happier Now: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Embrace Everyday Moments (Even the Difficult Ones)."

She makes some excellent points, coming from her own experiences. If you read what most of us write about, somehow it always seems to be how tough our lives are, how deprived we are of certain things we know would make our lives better and happier and how we always seem to want more as soon as we achieve a goal or acquire something new that we want. As soon as the novelty or exhilaration passes, usually within a very short period of time, we want MORE or BETTER.

Who? Why? How?

Those were three questions that crossed my mind the other day as I was doing some reminiscing about my own life and, sort of, comparing my life to the lives of some of my family, friends and associates.

The three things that crossed my mind were:

Who am I?

Why am I who I am?

How did I get to be the person I've become?

Superficially, these don't necessarily seem like deep questions. But, when you begin peeling away the layers, we will each find some pretty interesting, probably amazing and, quite possibly, awesome things about ourselves. For most of us, it took a long time to get “here,” wherever here is for you. In many instances, probably the better part of a lifetime. Perhaps you were fortunate enough to start gleaning these answers when you were quite a bit younger than me and my contemporaries. Consider yourself ahead in the game of life.

If we are like most normal people, we begin forming who we will eventually become at a very early age during our childhood. As we grow, our minds expand. We learn more and more about people, history, the world around us, what people do for a living (occupation/profession), what they do for recreation, hobbies, past times and family life. And, of course, we learn more and more about responsibilities, accountability, ethics, morals and the social system we reside in including government, social and civil controls on our lives.

If we are born and raised in a developed, western nation we are told we live in a free society. That is, we are free to do anything we want to do and live any way we want to . . . providing it doesn't cross the lines of the laws, regulations, codes, statutes, rules, limitations, restrictions, etc. established for everyone to live by. That may not seem like such a big deal until you realize that no one actually knows how many federal laws there are today. Back in 1980, the federal laws filled 23,000 pages. Today, there are some 20,000 laws just on gun use and ownership (yet, the public wants more laws – are we enforcing the 20,000 already existing laws?). And, there are currently 4,450 federal crimes with new ones added every year. Here's a thought, how many of these federal criminal laws have you broken?

And, guess what? These don't include state, county, local, homeowners association, work related, school related, religion-related and other laws, codes, statutes, regulations, rules, etc. we are expected to abide by. Do you feel a bit overwhelmed?

So, let's look at the Who, Why and How questions regarding who we each are individually.

Who Are You?

What Is Your WHY?

I caught a movie the other day. I hadn't heard of it before. It was probably not a big box office hit. But, it had several of my favorite actors starring in it, several of them being Will Smith, Edward Norton, Kate Winslet, Kiera Knightly and Helen Mirren among others. The title of the movie was “Collateral Beauty.” The title didn't attract me. What caught my attention was in the opening sequence when Will Smith, playing the role of a successful advertising executive, asked one of life's Big Questions of his employees,

“What is your WHY?”

This, on the surface, may seem like a pretty simplistic and, perhaps, benign question. Some might see it as superficial. You may have read this question in some self-help book. Maybe you've had this question posed by a “motivational speaker” in a crowd of maybe tens, hundreds or thousands of people gathered to gain the “the Secret” of becoming a raging success story. Maybe a preacher, priest, rabbi or other religious leader proffered this question. And, if you were really, really lucky, maybe you had a teacher in an elementary, secondary or college class pose the question (but, they probably never followed through with how to discover your Why).

It's very easy to skim over the answers. Most everyone has an immediate pat answer to this question and the many tangential questions that spring forth from it. Such questions as:

A New Day

Here is a wonderful and inspirational piece. It really impacted me, so I reformatted it into something I could print and give to people. You are free to copy this and share it with others. No hocus-pokus to it. It's simply feeding your mind with positive input whenever you look at it. I have this set up so it's printable on parchment paper stock suitable for framing.

It's great to give anyone, but especially those facing serious challenges in their life – like cancer, diabetes, heart disease, depression, etc. so, share it with others.

The Reason WHY . . . Part II

Sunrise over the Gulf of Mexico on Padre Island National Seashore, Texas

The photo opening this post is from my current “yard.” I'm writing this from the beach of the Gulf of Mexico on the Padre Island (Texas) National Seashore. I awoke to a beautiful sunrise and slept last night to the sound of the surf. Today, my background inspiration, as I compose this article, is the surf (it's low tide), the breeze and the occasional sounds of a variety of birds on a beautiful sunny day with blue skies and a few puffy white clouds. I'm sitting comfortably at my desk in My McVansion. You won't read this until sometime after I've left this beautiful location since I don't have any wireless phone or Internet connection here. Another respite to enjoy.

You also see a photo of the My McVansion galley. I enjoyed a couple cups of Chai tea, a banana, some cantaloupe and I made myself a bagel sandwich flavored with maple syrup and an egg seasoned the way I like it, with melted cheese and smoked sausage to top it off. It was a magnificent breakfast and will probably carry me to dinner time, with, perhaps, a light snack to carry me over. Does it sound like I'm enjoying my life? Indeed! The big question in my mind is why (there's that word again) I didn't do this a lot sooner . . . or maybe for my entire life.

Here's a thought for you. If you are asking yourself 'why' about a lot of things in your past and current life, you likely have some serious, unresolved issues. It's my personal intention to reach the “final destination” (the same one we all arrive at, ultimately) with the greatest memories of all I did during my brief lifespan and not regretting all the things I never did, but always wanted to. Too many people end up bitter, if they live long enough, because they feel they were robbed or deprived of so many things they always wanted to do. But, in fact, they were neither robbed nor deprived. They made conscious choices to do and accept what their life turned out to be.

Why Do You Live Where You Live?

Life On The Mild Side

I was thinking a bit the other day and I came to an interesting conclusion. There are three ways to experience life.

1. You can live life on the wild side
2. You can live life on the mild side
3. You can live life on the safe side

To my way of thinking, the first two are where I believe life should probably be lived. The third side is for those people who are too timid or overly obsessed with security or in general, just go along with what life throws their way and attempt to not rock the boat.

I see nothing wrong with any of these three choices. And, in some cases, there are people who may straddle all three styles. Allow me to take a few moments to explore each of these three lifestyles. Let's begin with, where I believe the vast majority of people settle in, “the Safe Side.”

52 Weeks to a Simpler Life – Tip #29 – Take Some Staycations

Audio Version available - see player below

The recently coined word “staycation” has become so widely used that it was added to the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary in 2009. The earliest tracked use of the word dates back to 2003 and was coined by a Canadian comedian. It became a fairly common word in 2008 during the economic crisis that gripped the U.S. that year.

The word simply means, instead of planning and traveling somewhere for a vacation, one simply stays at home, saves the travel expenses and occupies the time doing any number of a wide variety of activities you either procrastinate about, gloss over or, simply, never thought about taking advantage of in your particular location.

Believe it or not, most of us bypass so many opportunities in our homes and, uniquely, “in our own backyards” similar to the concept described in the classic, short book, Acres of Diamonds, by Russell Conwell. Simply put, there are all kinds of “treasures” wherever you are. We all tend to take these unrecognized treasures for granted and don't even realize their existence.

The Possible Dream

Audio Version available - see player below

Once again, my good friend from our college days, Greg, inspired another article for this blog.

I love and respect what Greg is doing to help people. What I pointed out to Greg, in an email response to his “email blast” this morning, became the inspiration for this article. After reading, what I defined as another exhaustive and somewhat redundant list of things someone needs to do to be successful, I said I felt confused. It left me feeling mentally exhausted and not knowing where to start.

I went on to say, if I had to wake up every morning and face a list of things like his that I have to do to take a step forward to be successful at anything, I think I'd rather enlist in the military. My life would be easier.

Photo-of-the-Week #249 Reminiscing, My Mountain Home. Winchester, Virginia 1993-2003

Two weeks ago, as of the time of this writing, the east coast experienced the “Blizzard of 2016.” The thought of that snow event had me reminiscing about all the snow and snow events I've experienced during my nearly 71 year lifetime. Growing up in northern New Jersey during the last half of the 1940's through the middle of the 1960's, then experiencing two years of frozen white snow and freezing cold hell in Syracuse, New York should have been enough, one might think. Thanks to my Uncle Sam and Vietnam, I was plucked from Syracuse and sent to San Antonio, Texas for about 8 months during the next winter.

Then I was relocated to the”South” in the Mid-Atlantic region. It's important to understand, those of us from northern New Jersey during that time believed anything south of the Delaware Memorial Bridge crossing from South Jersey into Delaware was “The South.” But, I learned different when it came to the weather.

Sure, the folks started talking different as I came south and said things like “all y'all” and “come back now, heah.” But, what I didn't know was that the freezing cold and white fluffy stuff didn't stop at the South Jersey border. . . READ MORE & SEE ANOTHER PHOTO

It Was A Very Good Year . . .A Review of 2015 and A Preview of 2016

“It was a very good year . . .” was the title of a song and the opening line of the lyrics. It was composed for Bob Shane and the Kingston Trio in 1961 by Ervin Drake. It was later covered by “Old Blue Eyes,” Frank Sinatra. So, how was your year? Can you say it was a very good year when you think about 2015 in retrospect?

Let's be realistic. The chances are the positive things that happened during 2015 for most people, outnumbered the negative things. Of course, I think it's likely that most people tend to remember the negative things a bit more and thus, may consider it a bad year and are looking forward to the new year to be better.

Photo-of-the-Week #234 – A Beautiful Pacific Sunset Every Evening, Manhattan Beach, California, January 2015

This week it's a simple photo. These homes and apartments are overlooking the beach and the Pacific Ocean at Manhattan Beach, California. It's January, so the sun sets around 5:30 PM. It's about 4:00 PM when I took this photo. I've seen Pacific sunsets and I can guarantee, they are breathtaking. But, then again, so are all the other ones I've seen. . . 

“To sleep, perchance to Dream” . . . “what dreams may come”

If you guessed these quotes are from the Bard of Avon, William Shakespeare, you are right as rain. Actually, they're taken from the famous “To be or not to be . . .” soliloquy from “Hamlet.” The entire soliloquy goes:

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered.

Are You Making A Living or Building A Life?

Life is all about choices and the decisions we make about these choices. I always go back to one of my favorite quotes by the late M. Scott Peck. It is the first sentence and the first paragraph of the first chapter of his landmark book, The Road Less Traveled. It's three simple words of great truth, "Life is difficult."

He goes on to say, and I quote, "It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters." If you have never read this book, you really should. Either way, if you have or have not read the book, just focus on the words I just quoted.

Most people don't realize this simple, yet great truth. It's one of those forest and trees situations. People become so busy, so involved in the day to day noise, activities, challenges, problems, needs and so on they don't see this simple truth that life is, by its very nature, difficult. So, we plod on, mainly in what I'll term a survival mode, that is, just getting through each day, week, month and year until before we know it, we are at the other end of a finite continuum we call life.

Thursday Thought: "TMI" - Not What You Think!

Dedicated to my late friend, teacher, mentor and inspiration,
Charlie "Tremendous" Jones

The acronym, TMI, has pretty much come to mean "Too Much Information" to most people. But, that is not what I have in mind for this article. Yes! We live in a society of great magnitudes of information that is ever growing exponentially. In simple terms, we live in a world of "information overload." But, this is a topic for another time.

Here is my definition of TMI for this article:

Teachers

Mentors

Inspirationalists (my coined word)

These are the people who come through our lives at various times and teach, mentor and inspire us and in so doing guide, mold and direct us down paths that become our future lives. I call the times, "pivotal times" and I call these people "pivotal people."

#15 on the Top 10 List of Life Thieves - "Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda"

Doesn't make sense does it - #15 on a list of the top ten things that steal your life. Actually, it's pretty simple. I keep finding more and more things that steal our lives. Remember, we can directly relate our lives, a priceless commodity, to time, another priceless commodity. It's my opinion that life and time are almost one and the same.

I'm going to count down from #15, although I may insert some additional life thieves as they occur to me or as you and others contribute ideas on life thieves.

Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda

How much time have you wasted contemplating things you would have done, should have done or could have done . . . if only? If you're honest, you're going to admit there has been any number of times you've spent time with these contemplations. These are life thieves.

I don't know a single person I've ever met who hasn't wasted time on this kind of retro living. Let's face it, even the best of us have some kind of regrets over missed opportunities in our occupational, relationship, hobby, financial, medical, physical, health, fitness, spiritual, etc. lives. The reality is that none of us can take advantage of all the opportunities that have and will continue to pass through our lives.

Life is nothing if not an ongoing series of choices and decisions. If we attempted to take advantage of every one of the opportunities passing our way we'd never accomplish and achieve anything. We'd go crazy attempting to do it all. It's impossible. We each made the correct decision, as we saw it, at the time. Yes! Maybe in hindsight it wasn't the best or right decision. But, remember, to be a successful professional baseball player and win the batting title for a given year only requires as few as 3.3 hits for every 10 times at bat. That means the champion batter made bad choices in swinging or not swinging the bat as many as 6.7 times at bat.

My sister often says to me how her life would be different if our father hadn't died at 42 when she was a few months over 10 years old. I, of course, agree with her. But, then I add, of course all three of our lives (we were three siblings) would have been different. But, would they have been better or worse than they turned out? The reality, is that each of the three of us have made thousands of choices during our lives since our father's death. We would have made those thousands of choices even if he had lived. Would we have made the same choices? Possibly, but it's not likely all of them would have been the same. There is no way of knowing if our lives would have turned out better or worse had he lived? So, it's a waste of time and our precious life contemplating something that can't be known.

Woulda!

Contemplating what you would have done or what would have happened if only you had made a different choice is a fruitless waste of your life. It's unknowable what path your life would have taken if you would have done something different.

If the baseball player who didn't win the batting title for a specific year would have swung a few more times he might have won the title. But, that's unknowable. Perhaps, he may have been walked onto base several of the times he didn't swing and positioned his team with the winning run for that game. Perhaps, if had swung a few more times he might have struck out and his team would have lost the game.

The best plan is not to focus on what would have happened if you had made a different choice. The reality is what you actually chose is now history. Focusing on what you learned from that choice can hopefully help you make a different and better choice in the future should a similar circumstance present itself.

Perhaps, you made a really great choice. Again, that choice is now history. You've benefited from the choice. Will you use the success from that choice to make another similar choice today or tomorrow?

There is no percentage in concerning yourself with what would have been. It's history and carved in the annuls of time. Now, is when you are living. Now, is the only time that really counts. Stop wasting your life on the "Wouldas" you can't change.

Shoulda

How many times has someone told you that you should have done something? How much time have you spent time contemplating the things you now know you should have done yesterday, last week, last month, thirty years ago when you met the person who became your spouse, when you accepted a job that wasn't really what you wanted, but you chose to do it for the money?

Yes! We all should have done many things differently. We should have said 'No' to someone when we said 'Yes' knowing it was the wrong choice. We should have gotten to know the person better that we said yes to or proposed to who became our spouse. We should have completed high school, the college degree, the graduate degree, become a doctor, lawyer, engineer, clergy, professional athlete, etc. But, we didn't and now we're obsessing over what we should have done and how different our lives would have been.

Again, the outcome of what you should have done if you followed that path is unknowable. Again, your life is now history and carved in the annuls of time. There is no time machine allowing you to go back and do what you now believe you should have done. This is a waste of your precious present life.

How about focusing on all the positive things that actually have happened in your life because of the choices you made. Believe me, there are far more than you may realize because you are retro focused and living in the past. If you've never watch a movie titled "Mr. Holland's Opus" starring Richard Dreyfus, perhaps you should. This could give you a positive perspective or spin on your life. You may not realize how many lives you've touched in a positive way because of the path you've trod. Richard Dreyfus's character, Mr. Holland, thought he had missed out on life and the dream he had for himself. I won't give away the end of the movie, but I will only say his eyes were opened.

Coulda

Yes! We all could have done many things differently during our lives. It doesn't matter how old you currently are, there are things you could have done. But, once again, there is no percentage in wasting your present precious life focusing on what you could have done. This kind of thinking is often associated with guilt over something. Perhaps you did something to hurt someone physically, mentally or emotionally. Maybe you said 'No' when you now feel you could have said 'Yes."

None of this matters. Time never goes backward, it only marches on. Perhaps you need to tell all the people in your life that you appreciate them for who they are and what they mean to you. Maybe there are people you need to sincerely say, "I love you," to. Perhaps someone did a favor for you and you neglected to thank them appropriately. Are you carrying a grudge, maybe for years, against someone who wronged you (or so you felt) at some time in the past and you've never forgiven them.

Yes! You could have done all these things back then including apologizing or forgiving someone. But, once again, it's a waste of your present precious life to think about, focus on or obsess over any of these things when you can simply take immediate action to change it all. Maybe they have passed away and left this Earth. Contact their offspring or siblings and take the action with them.

Yes! You could have made a different career choice or accepted a different job, or sky dived, or scuba dived or skied or taken up acting or sang solo, in a group or with a choir, written a book, painted YOUR masterpiece, led a group of people on a hike up a mountain, etc. So, why are you obsessing about it now? I know people of all ages who are doing these things. Yes! They could have done them a long time ago, but they aren't focusing or obsessing on what they could have done, they are doing these things NOW, in the present.

I have a friend and former author of mine who played in a rock and roll band when he was in high school and college and loved music. But, he chose to become a professional salesman for a major Fortune 500 corporation. He became so successful (after a near fatal bout with cancer while in his mid 20's) that he became an international sales trainer. He had a very successful career.

Then one day, 9/11 happened. This changed the dynamics of his seminar business. And then in 2008 the Big Recession knocked him out of the game again. He was in his 50's. So, he got together with a group of friends and formed a rock and roll band. Yes! He could have done music back when he was young, but that wasn't his focus. Today he isn't thinking about what he could have done. He's doing it and having the time of his life.

Bury the Past and All Your Woulda, Shoulda, Couldas

Your life equates to time. They are the two most priceless things we have. We were born wealthier than most of us ever fully realize. Don't waste your life thinking about, focusing on and obsessing over what your woulda, shoulda or coulda done. The past is the past. It's unchangeable. But, NOW is here. I commend you to review, if you've already read them before, or read, if you haven't already, my "12 Steps for Living Free." You'll find a link to the right of this post under the "Pages" listing. There are lots of ideas there to help you get started.

As the Nike Shoes slogan says, "Just Do It!"

Photos-of-the-Week - From Sea to Shining Sea and Gulf to Lake, America the Beautiful, 2014 - 2015

From Sea - The Atlantic Ocean

I've been sitting here in sunny, warm southern California enjoying the time I'm spending with my son as I await the recovery of My McVansion from it's "heart attack" (engine failure). I began recapping the past 12 months of travel My McVansion and I have enjoyed and experienced. I have literally been from sea to shining sea and from the Gulf to the Lakes. What a wonderful year. . . READ MORE & SEE 3 MORE PHOTOS

Photo-of-the-Week #193 - Griffith Observatory, Griffith Park, Los Angeles, California, January 2015

Here is the Griffith Observatory. The Observatory is prominently located on what may be the highest point in Griffith Park on Mount Hollywood, a 3,000 plus acre preserve donated to the city of Los Angeles in 1896 by Col. Griffith J. Griffith. In his will he also left the funding to build the observatory with detailed specifications. The observatory was built in the mid 1930's as a WPA project during the Great Depression. It was officially opened to the public on May 14, 1935. It is and has always been free to the public in accordance with Griffith's will. . . READ MORE

Beautiful Downtown Tinseltown - Hollywood, California

I'm sitting in front of the Tiago Coffee Shop next to the Emerson Theater at the corner of Hollywood Blvd. and La Brea. The sidewalk in front of the coffee shop is part of the Hollywood Walk of Fame with the stars honoring those entertainers who've earned the privilege of being so recognized. . . READ MORE

California, Here I Am!

Yes, I am in sunny, warm (finally) southern California. But, not without challenges getting here. I'll recap the travels in another post devoted just to the mostly uneventful trip other than my eight day stay in Cherokee Village, Arkansas. But, this is the view from where I am composing this article today.

This is from the small yard, but adequate for my son, Pete's, (and currently, my) needs in the city of Hawthorne, California, one of the cities that makes up what most people call Los Angeles, the "City of Angels." His small house is actually a guest house located behind the small main house that faces the street. It's actually very quiet and secluded back here. I can't see anyone and no one can see me. . . READ MORE

January 1, 2015 - The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

My very best wishes for a

Happy, Healthy, Abundant
and

Free Living
2015!

It is New Years Day 2015 as I compose this article. It's a great time to reevaluate your life and plans for the future. I don't make New Years resolutions. I find that they are useless for me. But, if you go back to my December 29, 2012 article title, "How Do You Eat An Elephant?"  you can read or reread about the "elephants" in our lives.

There is a lot going on in our world. While I'm very optimistic about my personal life and lifestyle, I don't hold that same optimistic outlook toward most of our society (mainly the U.S., but even that of other countries around the world). If you have questions about your own future then, perhaps, now is a good time to consider adopting, modifying or expanding a living free philosophy for yourself and your partner/spouse and family.

The "12 Steps for Living Free" that I introduced a little over three years ago and revised in the spring of 2012 is a great place to start. . . READ MORE