Behavior & Attitude – 2 Essays

Well, first, my regrets and apologies for nothing new on the blog in a couple weeks. You already know I've been less literarilly (I don't think that's a word) productive this year. What I have written, hopefully, has been of value to you.

I've been quite tied up with a client project the last few weeks that came along by surprise in July. I stopped soliciting new clients and business a couple years ago for the careers I've enjoyed for the past 50+ years as an audio engineer/producer, video producer and book publisher (about 12 years of the 50). And, of course, there have been the ancillary careers doing voice-overs, speaking, conducting seminars/workshops and doing some meeting planning/execution. Yes! I've had a diverse and fantastic career. I couldn't have imagined a better career path. And, of course, to tie it all together, I was a small business owner my entire life. I always worked for one of the toughest bosses anyone could have – ME!

So, along comes a new project (actually, at least three projects) from my longest term client and friend. We've been working on his projects for nearly 40 years. That's called loyalty and dedication from both sides – client and vendor. He's approaching 90 and I'm a little over 33 in a 72-year-old body. On the outset, I knew there were going to be some challenges with the project, but it's actually teaching this old dog some new tricks – I like that.

Additionally, I've been completing the coordination and execution of a “retreat” for a small group (50 in attendance) of veteran professional speakers – mostly old friends and new ones – from my 25 years of membership in the National Speakers Association. I have to tell you, I have been blessed, honored and humbled to have all the friends I have from all facets of my life. With the kind of diverse “professional” life I've had comes this wonderful array of people. The universe has truly smiled on me.

We had a fantastic four-day retreat last weekend. It couldn't have been more fulfilling, not only for me but for all those who came from across the U.S. to share our time, lives and experiences with one another. Everyone left with something to enhance their lives with.

One woman, a brand new participant and a wonderful new friend for me, came from Houston, Texas. Yes! She left her home just prior to Hurricane Harvey ravaging southeast Texas. For some time she didn't know if her home would be alright. She couldn't get home when the retreat was over, so she stayed with some family in Virginia. Fortunately, her home didn't experience any significant damage. Michelle's daughter opened her house up to evacuees who had no place to go. When Michelle gets home (she may be there by now) she plans to spend her time helping all those in her region with their needs, recovering from this horrific storm.

So, now, I'm going to include two essays, or maybe they might be considered “Opeds,” I posted on Facebook during the last couple weeks. The first one I was attacked about by a number of people because they didn't actually read what I wrote. They read what they wanted to believe I said, not what I actually said. A number of people did read it and understood my point. So, that's why I called this blog article Behavior & Attitude.

If you read these two pieces – and they are going to be lengthy, so I'm warning you now. Don't delve into this unless you're willing to read what could amount to a healthy chapter of a book. I do my best to be a rational, pragmatic, independent free thinking, positive person. But, I can tell you, I was really condemned by several people because they applied labels and ideologies to me that I never espoused or even mentioned. The essays were both essentially about behavior. How they were read and how I was attacked was about attitude. So, get ready, you might want to get a drink and go to the bathroom before you begin.

Wouldn't It Be Nice . . .

• if it is sunny all but two days every month
• if all our neighbors are nice
• if there is no crime or violence
• if everyone has all they need to eat
• if everyone has a secure, adequate size place to live
• if everyone has nice clothing appropriate to the climate
• if everyone earns a living doing something that's fun and suits him or her
• if everyone has a good, useful education
• if everyone respects each other
• if everyone has all basic needs met
• if everyone enjoys a few luxuries

52 Weeks to a Simpler Life – Tip #26 – Learn One Important Word – NO!

Audio Version available - see player below

Have you ever ended up at a party, event, voluntary activity, sitting in restaurant with some folks, on a camping trip, vacation, etc. and all of a sudden . . . realize you didn't want to be there? Maybe you're sitting in your own home around your kitchen table entertaining and that same realization struck you. Why are these people here and why are you doing this?

Dumb question, right? Of course you have. So have I and so has just about everyone I know. So, here is another dumb question. Why are you there?

Maybe you like the people you're with, but you just don't really want to be at this event or sharing this time with these (and maybe any other) people at this particular moment in time.

So, how did it come about that you're in this less than comfortable situation? Actually, the answer is simple. You didn't learn how to use one of the simplest words in the English (or most) language . . . NO! Come on. Admit it! You don't like to say no and you don't want to disappoint people.

Live Life

The first week of the new year just passed. Is that supposed to be significant, you may be asking? In the general scheme of things, it's another week like virtually any other week. Seven days, 168 hours 10,080 minutes and 604,800 seconds. The other day during one of those minutes I perused an email I received from my friend, Tommy, in Florida. It was titled “Mind Food” and contained a series of photos each with a caption with some interesting tidbit of knowledge. The one at the top of this article jumped out at me.

Yes, another week like any other week and the minute that I was looking at this picture with the caption reminded me of precisely why a little over seven years ago I made a sharp course correction in my life. Even though, most of my life I've, more or less, charted my own course, as I look back, I realize I was still living the life expected of me and not the one that was really true to myself. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, it epitomizes the three words, “woulda,” shoulda” and “coulda.”

Living Free in an Unfree World - Revisited

Today's offering is an archived article I was rereading. As I went through the article, almost 3 years since I first published it on the blog, I realized that maybe it's even more relevant today than it was three years ago.

A lot of people feel like the world is closing in on them. While the unemployment rate is supposedly down, it really hasn't returned the people who lost their jobs, in most cases, to the kind of work they were doing before and their income is considerably less than they were making, perhaps, eight to ten years ago. The bottom line is, we may have even less personal freedom than we did back then. Through recent events we know we're being monitored in a variety of ways all the time.

I'm also not sure I'm seeing any more happy people today than five or eight years ago. At any rate, for you consideration, I'm including this link back to the post from 2012 entitled "Living Free in an Unfree World." Read it for the first time or reread it if you've read it before and let me know what your thoughts are by sending a comment. And don't forget to share this with your friends. It should stir up some great dialogue. 

Here's a second link in case the one above doesn't work http://bit.ly/1HCVbP2

Photo-of-the-Week - Tiny Town - Tiny Post Office, Tinnie, New Mexico, December 2014

So, could this photo represent one of the reasons the U.S. Postal Service is losing money every year?

This is a tiny post office in the town of Tinnie, New Mexico, a tiny town in a group of tiny towns I passed through on my way to California. Personally, I don't see any problem a tiny post office like this one. I was once served by a tiny post office in Cross Junction, Virginia. However that tiny Virginia post office served a large part of the rural area of Frederick County, Virginia. . . READ MORE

This Is The Year That Was - 2014

There is one more day left in 2014. The old cliché oft used is, "It's later than it's ever been." The day after tomorrow we'll begin a brand new year, 2015. Life for most people will simply be a continuation of 2014 and previous years. However, some people will approach the new year with, "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." I need to use every minute, every hour and every day to it's fullest because it is priceless.

How are you looking at the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015? Was 2014 a great year, a good year, an okay year, a crummy year or a really bad year for you? Why did your evaluation of the year that was garner the descriptor you chose? What do you plan to do to make 2015 a better year and, perhaps, the best year of your life?

The Negative Forces

Allow me to make a broad statement. For all the beauty, promise and opportunity the world provides, the world is a very negative place. We have choices to make everyday about whether our lives and circumstances will be part of the negative or, depending on our attitude, whether we'll be a bright light shining out through all the negative.

Individually, there is little we can do about changing or alleviating the negative forces in our world. Some of the negative is simply natural forces we can't do much about. Other negative is human inspired and created. There's not much we can do about most of the natural events. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, massive weather event, etc. are going to happen regardless of what we do or think we can do. Now, you might expect that I'd say that we can do something about human caused events, however, I don't believe we can really have much impact in these matters either.

Some of the negative events of last year included several airliner disasters. One disaster involves the disappearance of an airliner full of people. Nothing has been found of the plane or the people, so we don't have a clue what caused it. A second airliner was shot down by, supposedly, rogue rebels in the Ukraine or the Russians supporting them. The third just happened and while the airliner has been found in a shallow watery grave, there are no survivors and the speculation (to be investigated and proven) is that weather was the culprit in this event.

Then there are negative events that are specifically caused by humans. The beheading of several American citizens as well as others from different countries by radical Islamists is a prominent negative and downright evil act. The rape, mutilation, torture and massacres of thousands of men, women and children because of their religious beliefs, desire for a better life and quest for the freedom to live their lives as they chose. Then there was the rioting, looting and burning of their own hometown by people protesting the shooting death of a young black man who made the wrong choice of challenging the voice of law and reason. This was followed by the senseless execution of two policemen innocently eating lunch in their patrol car. This list goes on and on.

Passing Judgment . . . or Not

It's not my position to pass judgment on any of these events or the perpetrators whether Mother Nature or humans. My point is simply that these event have occurred and will continue to occur in the future. I'd like to inform you that 2015 will not bear witness to any of these kinds of events, but I can't. Negative, and if you prefer to call it "evil," exists. These are the challenges humans have faced and dealt with since the first man and woman began this entire human species thing.

I have friends that span the entire political spectrum. The same is true of the religious spectrum. The way I see it, they are all right and they are all wrong. There are the gun rights advocates and the anti-gun advocates. The Pro-Life and Pro-Choice people continue to lock horns. There are the haves and have nots going head to head. There are also the urban dwellers (because of their numbers and dense population centers) pontificating over the rural population. And, of course, let's not forget the divisions between the various races and nationalities, the men and the women and those who have chosen to live alternative sexual preference lifestyles. Everyone believes he or she is right and everyone who doesn't believe the way he or she does is wrong.

This has been going on since the beginning of human time on this planet. What bothers me is what would happen if we all simply minded our own business. Just suppose we didn't pass judgment on anyone else but ourselves. What would happen if we put all the time, energy and resources we expend on all this folly of negativity into living each moment like it was the only moment we had left on Earth? For one thing, we probably wouldn't need to continue creating the ever more horrendous weapons of mass destruction (from automatic weapons to "death rays") we've created since the beginning of time.

The Pipe Dream

Unfortunately, the very idea that humans would or could ever focus on positive, beauty and love rather than negative, evil and hatred is a pipe dream. We are animals and our lizard minds still function as they always have. Sure, we've become somewhat civilized, created societies and have tempered some parts of our animal instincts. But, I fear that for all the talk of love, reason, rationality and compassion, the emotions of jealousy, envy, greed, evil, hate and power over others are still stronger. It seems that it doesn't take much to trigger these negative emotions. The people we say we love, often become the targets of our anger, jealousy, envy and even greed.

All of these traits are manifest in a variety of ways. It might be the overt actions of a serial thief, rapist, murderer or con artist. It might be the corporate ladder climber who doesn't care who he or she steps on and pushes behind them, even their best friends or relatives, to gain the rewards, the corner office and the ultimate power. It is just as evident in social endeavors including sports, social clubs and groups and family units. It, unfortunately, is human nature. It is who we are.

The pipe dream is that any of us believe we can overcome this negative aspect of our human nature. And, of course, most of us are not as bad as the few who make themselves so prominent throughout society. I often ask myself why does someone want to be the president of the United States or the leader of any other country in the world. It certainly can't be for the money since there are many ways to earn considerably more than that job pays. But, it has to be pretty heady stuff to think that, as in the case of the president of the U.S., you are the most powerful person in the world. WOW! With the stroke of a pen you can decide and change the fate and lives of hundreds of millions and possibly billions of people around the world. I hope anyone reading this article doesn't think any of these people actually are doing it because they have our best interests in mind and heart. That's just the cover story to get our votes.

2015 - The Beginning

So, the day after tomorrow, is the beginning all over again. Of course, everyday when you awaken is the beginning all over again. We don't need to make New Years Resolutions to lose weight, improve our education, achieve new heights of performance at our occupation, spend more time with our families, be a better person or anything else. The new year, 2015, is going to be exactly the same as 2014, 2013, 1999, 1960 or any other year. Only we make it different.

We can make the difference by changing out attitudes. We can strive to control and put our own issues with greed, hatred, jealously, negativity and so on behind us. It's never easy because we are all human. Do little things. Last year I decided as I travel the U.S. that I'm going to do my best to make at least 12 people smile everyday. There are some days I don't come in contact with 12 people, so I try to make it up on another day. I listen to too much news - NEGATIVITY! I'm going to curb my self-flagellation and attempt to focus more on the beauty of the people and world around me. I still have a tendency to allow my temper to slip while I'm by myself in the van and something doesn't work the way I want it to or something breaks, runs out of battery power, becomes disconnected, I make a wrong turn because Google Maps became mixed up and . . . well, I'll let a stream of "blue" expletives fly. They are often caught on the audio track of my dash cam and I'm embarrassed that one day someone might hear that. I can fix that problem IF I choose to.

So, how about you? Is 2015 going to just be another year like the rest or will you change it? How many people can you make smile everyday? How much love and compassion can you share with others. How many people can you be a positive force for in their lives when they are going through some serious trials and dealing with negative times.

I wish you a Happy, Healthy, Abundant and Positive 2015. 

Photo-of-the-Week #190 The Land of REAL Illegal Aliens, Walmart, Roswell, New Mexico, December 2014

I think this photo is pretty self-explanatory. Roswell, New Mexico has made quite a big thing about an event that occurred in 1947. A flying saucer supposedly crashed on a ranch outside Roswell (about 60 miles or so outside Roswell). There they found the bodies of extraterrestrials, obviously, depicted as the lanky green men painted on the windows at the Walmart Supercenter at the north end of Main Street. Are these real "Walmartians?" . . . READ MORE

Benefits or Entitlements

Benefits and entitlements, are they one and the same or are they different breeds of animals? There seems to be a trend for those in the bureaucracy of federal (and even state) government toward calling anything they pay out to citizens as entitlements. Now, I'm not sure. Is it because I'm becoming a crotchety old man (NOT)? Or, is it because those in the elected offices, their high ranking appointees and the massive legion of high level bureaucrats are using governmentspeak or doublespeak to get us to believe something that isn't true.

Would this be the first time the government has attempted (and often succeeded) in duping the "flock?" I think not. That is a huge topic for another time. However, as humans, we are basically pack animals. Although, it's probably more accurate to say we're like flock or herd animals. Watch cattle in the pasture sometime. When it's milking time they all line up one behind the other and follow the leader right into the milk barn. A new word becomes the "in" word to use in the pop culture - cool, dude, awesome, right on, righteous, bro, etc. All of a sudden, it slips into our vocabulary and pretty soon we're all using it. . . READ MORE

I'm Dying . . .

I'm not sure there is any news that could possibly be more sobering.

I had my routine check up with my regular primary physician last week. I also had an appointment with my ophthalmologist. It's an every other year ritual with my eye guy.

It was during these examinations that I discovered that I had a chronic, terminal condition. My primary doctor had my latest lab reports when she came into the examining room. . . READ MORE

Photo-of-the-Week #180 - My 6th and Final Home in Clifton, New Jersey, September 2013

These two photos are of the last home my parents owned in my hometown of Clifton, New Jersey. Unfortunately, this house harbors only negative feelings for me. It was and forever will be, the last place I lived in my hometown and New Jersey. I will never return to live in any part of New Jersey. It was in this house that my father died at 42 and when I was 21. It was in this house that my family and I lived under the same roof for the last time. I was the only member of the family who continued to live in the house from the day of my father's death until eight months later when I moved to Syracuse, New York and left New Jersey. . . READ MORE

Photo-of-the-Week #169 – Alert: Don't Waste Your Time! Antique Wireless Museum, Bloomfield, New York, July 6, 2014

I don't usually use pictures of places like this as Photos-of-the-Week, but for the Antique Wireless Museum, I'm making an exception. This place REALLY ticked me off. I discovered the place on my way through New York State to a new location. I checked it out and found out it was not open the day I was passing through the area. That annoyed me, but didn't really make me angry. There was a similar museum in Connecticut near Bradley International Airport that wasn't open very many hours, either. Basically, the place pictured above was only open for a couple hours on Tuesdays and for three hours each on Saturdays and Sundays. Now, THAT is NOT convenient for the public. It should have been my first hint. . . READ MORE

Are You Living Your Fake Life Or Your Real Life?

The other day, while I was making my way up one of the Blue Highways in north central Florida on my way to Osceola National Forest, I was listening to one of my favorite interviewers, Terry Gross on her show "Fresh Air." Terry was interviewing David O. Russell, the screenplay writer and director of the movie, "American Hustle", currently nominated for 10 Academy Awards. The interview itself was very interesting and I enjoyed learning about Russell, his biographical information, thoughts on his past movies and his philosophy of filmmaking. But, Terry Gross has an amazing way of really getting past the facade and superficial, pretty much stock questions and answers and getting inside the mind of those she interviews. She is very informal, laid back and doesn't mind exposing her own inner workings and idiosyncrasies to relax her guests and set them at ease.

However, beyond the overall interview, I listen for the little nuggets and pearls of wisdom that pop out. In this interview with David Russell, Terry reached a point where an appropriate topic for this particular interview was whether Russell was living his real or actual life or a fake life. I almost slammed on my brakes to pull the van over to write that down. It's not that this was that earthshaking a question or thought, it was how many people don't know the difference between their real life and their fake life and even deeper, how many people never reveal their real lives to even themselves? So, after the Interview, I spent the rest of the drive thinking about that question and how it applied to myself.

What Is Your Fake Life?

So, what is your fake life? The way I interpret it is that your fake life is the facade or mask that you put on for the outside world (anyone other than yourself) to see. This is the life you want them to view you by. You might even say that this is what you think they think of you and how you can fulfill that impression. The funny thing is that this fake life or self is often how you see yourself. In other words, you're not living the life of who you really are, you're living the life you want to believe you are and how you think want others to believe you are. I've referred to the idea of conforming to "The Committee of They," "they" being the ones who believe you should live your life a certain way. These are related issues. Even more interestingly, you may actually have more than one fake life or self. Let's examine a few examples of fake lives we may be living.

Work Life

First, is your work life. Who do you want your manager, supervisor, boss, the business owner, fellow employees, (if you're a business owner) employees, vendors, customers/clients, etc. to see. Just in that short list you may be representing yourself as several different lives or selves. If you're an employee of a business, you want to come across as the competent, capable, confident, efficient, productive worker to your manager, supervisor and boss. While at the same time, to your fellow employees, you may want to set an example, but you don't want to come across to them as a kiss-up brown-noser who separates yourself from the rest of the pack. Of course, in the middle management segment of the corporate world, you may want to be the do whatever it takes, aggressive, step on anyone necessary, survival of the fittest to climb the corporate ladder type person.

If you are a business owner you want to display yourself as a strong, capable leader who will build your business at any cost including using and abusing those you employ. Or, you may want to be a strong, capable leader who recognizes that your employees are your most valuable asset and do everything within reason to make their working experience a positive one. This means you must be an assertive and sometimes aggressive businessman, yet show compassion for those who are accomplishing the mission for you. I always liked the idea that a good leader was one who gave credit to his employees when things went right and accepted the blame and responsibility when things went wrong - and then, addressed the specific issues that went wrong privately with the individuals responsible and not in public.

But, these are examples of the fake life that you may be displaying in the work environment. The same holds true for athletic endeavors and military organizations. The question that pops up in my mind is how much of what my employees, vendors and customers saw of me was the fake life I wanted them to see and how much of it was the real life, that is, who I REALLY am, did they see.

Public Life

Move the scenario to the life you display in your religious organization, clubs, civic groups, volunteer work and your other activities. Don't we usually show ourselves as who we want others to see us as? Let's face it, no one is perfect. Not one of us has talents and skills in all areas of endeavor. How often do we want to become involved in something that we have little or no real experience or knowledge in and don't want to be rejected because of that factor so "we fake it until we make it?"

Home Life

Let's take this home, now. I see so many husbands and wives who are at odds with one another after they've been together five, ten, twenty or more years. Why is that? Could it be because when we were young and looking for our perfect mate we did the mating dance and courting ritual? I captured a shot of this bird just recently showing off.

What was the bird saying? "Look at me! I'm cool! I'm cocky! I'm confident! I'm THE one!" When we see that young guy or young gal of our dreams, don't we do the same thing? Don't we want to put our best face forward and impress that person? Aren't we displaying the person we think they want to see in order to attract their attention and move to the courting ritual? Of course we do. But, is that the real you? No! In most cases it's the you you want that other person to see because that's what you think he or she is looking for. If you displayed the real you without the cool clothes, the make-up, the great hair cut or hair style, your brunette hair instead of your colored blond hair and whatever else we use to put on our best face, you might not be noticed.

Then comes the courting game, we call it dating. Once again, if both parties are interested in each other, they will do their best to keep their best face showing and hide any blemishes, actual and figuratively. Then comes the real test by fire, when you peel off the layers of clothing and share a bed together. If you get through the night, what will happen in the morning when the hair is all messed up, the make-up is gone and, well, you both may have morning breath. If you both get past this level, then comes the stress period before the wedding and more of the true you may start to be revealed. Finally, you reach the time when "the honeymoon is over." By this time pretty much most or the entire facade is gone and the real you is pretty evident or at least that which you are relaxed enough to reveal. Although, even at this period, you may both still be doing your best to put forth the best fake you. Amazingly, I've met both men and women, who after 15, 20 and more years, still haven't seen the real life of their mate. And, of course, when the children come along, both mom and dad want their children to see who each parent believes the children want to see, as well as the children's friends, their friends' parents and the teachers at school, dance teachers, little league coaches, etc. So, for all practical intents and purposes, the fake life is still the you that people see and know.

As an example, when my former wife, young son and I belonged to a very active and a bit less conservative Southern Baptist congregation in Annapolis, Maryland, she and I were members of a special Sunday School group that was formed because we were all a bit less than traditional Southern Baptists. It was an interesting, very active and pretty close-knit group of folks. After two or three years something happened that shook us up pretty significantly. One of the couples was a military couple. The husband was a Marine captain who was an instructor at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis. He was a handsome guy who did the uniform proud. The wife was a very pretty woman (all of us were in the later 30's to 40's age range) with peaches and cream complexion that was contrasted by her dark hair and she was a full-time mother and homemaker. Their two kids, one pre-adolescent and the other an early adolescent, a boy and a girl, were as attractive and well mannered as their parents. Then one Sunday, we saw only the wife and the children in church and the wife was sporting an extremely obvious black eye. Of course, we learned that all these years her husband had been abusing and beating on her in such a way that it never showed. But, the night before he went after the children for the first time and she got between them and him. She called the Shore Patrol and he was taken away to the brig. We never saw any of them again after that Saturday morning. We had never seen or knew the real husband and wife. We only saw their fake lives.

You're Fake Life As You Live It

So, now we've reached the point where the rubber meets the road. How much do you live in your fake life? Do you see yourself as someone you're not? Are you so accustomed to living your fake life since you were a child and through all the other phases of life that you now believe your own public relations? Were you afraid to disappoint your father and/or mother as a child by not living up to their expectations or what you interpreted as their expectations. How often have you met a woman who still acts like a "Tomboy" because her father always wanted a son and never had one and she had to fulfill that requirement to be accepted by him, or worse yet, maybe even then not be accepted by him? Or how about the young boy who just didn't meet up to his mother's expectation that he be a perfect gentleman, the young man she had hoped to marry, but was later disappointed in her choice.

 Perhaps you didn't inherit the genetic cocktail that would result in you being 6'7" and able to leap 9' and slam-dunk a basketball so you could be a star basketball player (or football or baseball, etc.). Perhaps you just weren't cut out to be athletic and were always either left for last or sat out the sandlot ballgames on the sideline, yet you had an above average IQ, an analytical mind and could beat the pants of most others in debating or playing chess, but you didn't because you felt robbed that you couldn't be an athlete. Maybe you really aspired to be a rock or country musician and be part of a popular band, but you just weren't born with the "chops" to cut it in that field. But, through it all, you continued to deny the real you and kept trying to be someone you were not.

The same holds true for women. You thought all the girls with blond hair or red hair were prettier than you so you let that play on your self-esteem and as soon as you could, you became a blond or redhead. Maybe you wanted to be a downhill Olympic skier, but your parents wanted you to be a schoolteacher, get married and produce grandchildren. You developed a love of cars and wanted to take Auto Shop classes to learn to be a mechanic, but the school said girls aren't allowed to take Auto Shop, yet all along you kept telling yourself you'd just have to be what you were "supposed" to be.

So, have you kept living that fake life all these years? Are you in a marriage that isn't exciting and doing things that you've accepted as your fake life because you don't want to see behind the closed door to who and where the real you are? Do you say you're happily married because in your fake life you're trying to believe you're happily married . . . when you're not? Do you tell people you love your job, because you can't accept the real you would be guiding rafting tours down the Colorado River, but that's not going to happen so you just keep living the fake life.

I guess the really big question is - does your fake life make you happy and fulfilled? Or, do you feel like life is empty and you just move from one day to the next expecting nothing more than the day before? I dare say that you are not alone if that's where you are. I believe more people in our society and our world have convinced themselves that their fake lives are their real lives because they don't want to open that door and see whom they really are and what they really want to do. Why?

Change

Terry Gross said it herself during the interview I described with David Russell at the beginning of this article. Terry said she resists change. Terry is not alone. I believe everyone resists change. Yet, change is constant in our lives. Okay, some changes come along and we have no choice, they happen and we accept them, often reluctantly, though sometimes joyfully. However, making changes that only we can make are often very painful. Yet, most often, those who realize that in order to find, realize and accept their real life they have to make extreme decisions, choices and change and the, often painful consequences of those changes.

The list is so long that to enumerate the entire list here would turn this into a book (maybe an idea for a book, huh?). But, here are some that will illustrate the point. We may have to move from our current home to a smaller or larger home. We may have to stop owning a home and rent a place to live. We may have to move from our current location (town, city, state) to another location a significant distance away. We may have to sever our marital relationship. We may have to take our kids out of traditional schooling and home school them. We may have to quit our job, take a pay cut and find the work that is really your life's work. We may have to sell off everything we have, gather all the money we can and start our own business, perhaps in another place or even a foreign country. Do you get the point? Change can be painful, but the results may provide the happiness and fulfillment that has eluded you for your lifetime.

Your Real Life

So, do you know who you really are? What is your real life? Are you courageous enough to open the door, see your real life and who you really are and accept it? And even more important, once you open that door, are you ready, willing and able to manage the changes you'll have to make to realize your real life. Life is short and finding your real life and living that life instead of a fake life that is only make believe can be the very essence of fulfillment. But, as I said, it requires courage, breaking down barriers and all kinds of fake beliefs that you've been perpetuating for decades. I keep breaking down my own barriers, making changes and finding out more about who I really am and I'm liking my real life better then pretty much any of my former fake life. But, I still have more of me to get to know. Good luck with your quest.

Who Wants To Be A Billionaire - Part II

So, what better day is there to talk about being a billionaire than Thanksgiving Day? I hope by the end of this post you'll realize that, if you haven't been before, today you'll be a multi-millionaire or a billionaire.

Let's start out with the answers to the six questions I gave you in the last post.

Question #1. How old are YOU?

A. 29

B. 43

C. 68

D. __ (Enter Your Age)

Only YOU know this answer, so you either entered your real age in D. or I happened to select your actual age by some random chance. Whatever your age actually is, be proud of it. Your life is richer for each extra day you live so forget all that perpetual "39" stuff. You're not Jack Benny and he was only 39 once just like the rest of us. By the way, C., 68, is my final answer.

Question #2. What year were you born?

A. 1984

B. 1970

C. 1945

D. ____ (Enter the Year YOU were born)

Once again, only YOU know what year you were born. Some significant things happened that particular year and one of them, the most important one to you, is that you were born. In this case, C., again, 1945, is my final answer.

Question #3. What is the current average Social Security actuarial life expectancy male/female for the year you were born?

A. 77.5 years/82 years

B. 78.5 years/82.5 years

C. 83.5 years/86 years

D. ________ (Your life expectancy based on your current age, when you were born and your gender)

There are numerous ways you can calculate this. There are all kinds of life expectancy calculators and actuarial charts on the Internet. So, there really isn't any one answer that is THE answer. In my case, my final answer is C., yet, again, 83.5 years (since I'm a male). I chose the Social Security actuarial life expectancy chart for this particular post simply because, well, it's simple. If you don't know your life expectancy you can go to http://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html to calculate yours. The number is just approximate unless you were born on January 1st of your birth year. Also, I rounded up or down depending on the fraction. But, it will give you a reasonable idea. Oh, and if you've already passed your expected life expectancy, you really have something to crow about.

Another interesting side note is that when I was born in 1945, my life expectancy was only 63 at that time. So, I'm very happy to have passed that date already.

Question #4. By what age do you become a millionaire?

A. Age 1

B. Age 29

C. Age 43

D. Age 68

This is the first question you actually had to think about. If your answer was anything other than A. Age 1, you are wrong. But, that's okay because you still win.

Question #5. By what age do you break 100 million?

A. Age 43

B. Age 29

C. Age 4

D. Age 68

This one also required you to think a little. And the correct answer is C. Age 4. Yep! Believe it or not you've already exceeded 100 million before you started Kindergarten.

Question #6. (Final Question) By what age do you become a billionaire?

A. Age 68

B. Age 32

C. Age 29

D. Age 43

Now, the answer to this question is a little more thought provoking? Your final answer is B., 32. That's right you are a billionaire by age 32.

How Does This Work?

Okay, you just checked your bank accounts, your IRA or 401K, the value of your home, if you own it and it's fully paid off and all your other assets and they in no way indicate that you are worth either a million or more or a billion or more dollars. As of the latest compiled report in 2009, only .15% of the world's population has a net worth in excess of a million dollars. Interestingly, the number of millionaires in the U.S. declined by 27% in 2008. There were 2.5 million less than the year before and the lowest number since 2003.

And as far as that billionaire figure, the numbers diminish considerable. Billionaires represent just .0000286% of the world population of approximately seven billion. The United States has the largest number of billionaires followed by China, a distant second (there were no billionaires in China a decade ago) and Russia follows China. The combined net worth of all the billionaires in the world is either equal to or has exceeded the entire gross economy of China, the second largest economy in the world. And who is the wealthiest man in the world? Well, it's none other than that college drop-out, Bill Gates, who surpassed Mexico's Carlos Slim making Gates the wealthiest man in the U.S. and in the World.

Let's face reality, folks. If any of the readers of this blog were worth millions or billions of dollars, I sincerely doubt that you'd be reading this right now. It's not that some of the ideas and information that flow through these posts might not be helpful or even valuable for those with more money than they know what to do with. It's simply that they are too busy figuring out what to do with the money they have and compounding it into more. So, let me state right now. You are not and probably will never be (nor will I) a financial multi-millionaire or billionaire. To be honest, I've generated and been responsible for multiple millions of dollars over my lifetime. However, those were business revenues, not personal wealth. It would have been nice to have kept a couple of the large checks out of every ten I wrote and signed. But, that wasn't my lot in life. Maybe I wasn't bright enough or didn't have the business acumen or money management skills or best ideas or . . . well, you get the idea. We've all questioned ourselves over things like this during our lifetimes. The reality is that it was probably a little of all of them, except the business ideas. Many of the ideas I came up with were exploited by others and did extremely well. My challenge was always my timing and having enough working capital.

If It's Not Money, What Is It?

Okay, so let's look at your millionaire and billionaire status. You see? Every one of us was born with more wealth than we could have ever imagined. The challenge most, if not all, people face is not recognizing that wealth and then squandering it over a lifetime. Wealth doesn't have to be in a tangible form. Money, fiat, currency or whatever you want to call it is simply a means of barter. We exchange some form of coins, usually representing some precious metal, or paper money that we can also call bank notes for products and services, tangible and intangible that we desire. Most people spend their lives working or providing some kind of physical service in exchange for a certain value in paper and coins that can then be used to acquire products and services we need or desire including shelter, food, clothes, transportation, recreation, etc. Throughout history, no matter what culture or civilization you want to refer to, there was some form of trading or bartering products and services. The current system of cash, checks, debit and credit cards are simply a convenient way to accomplish the same thing. But, in virtually all cases there is one element or intangible commodity that is a constant since the beginning . . . TIME!

Time is the most precious commodity we have. I would go as far as to say that time is priceless. Unfortunately, few of us ever learn or even realize this until more than 50% or even 75% of our time has been spent, lost, stolen, borrowed or squandered. We are taught and conditioned to understand the "value" of money and we sometimes even learn money "management." But, few are ever taught the value of their time and how to manage it to their best advantage. We put values on our time without realizing how cheaply we're giving it away. For example, when someone accepts a minimum wage job, they are putting a value on their time of approximately $7.50 for each hour or 3,600 seconds. That's how many seconds there are in each hour.

Let's do a little simple multiplication. If there are 3,600 seconds in an hour, then there are 86,400 seconds in a day, 604,800 seconds in a week, and 31,449,600 seconds in a year. You are already a multi-millionaire, not just a millionaire. But, at the $7.50 rate of pay, your financial time is only worth $65,520 for all your time that year. If you increased that pay rate to $25.00/hour you'd increase the financial value of your time to $209,664 for the same 31,449,600 seconds. So, in less than five years your financial value for your time is worth over a million dollars. Of course, none of us are going to trade the 31,449,600 seconds each year for financial remuneration. However, there are lots of ways to have your time and, at the same time, have your financial wealth working for you while you're doing other things with your priceless time. Remember, most of the financial millionaires and billionaires are self-made. Many of them do not have college degrees (including the current wealthiest man in the world). If they can start out with nothing and become financially well off, so can you and I. We don't need, or at least I don't, as much money as these über rich folks. I simply need enough to live my life and dreams the way I choose to. I'll wager, when the rubber meets the road, that's all you need, too.

But, here is my reality and possibly yours. What value does life have to me if I have a finite number of years to live, if my focus is on converting my priceless commodity that I was given at birth, my time, to money or financial wealth? Am I richer spending my time working for financial wealth and missing out on all the wealth of nature, family, friends, travel and the many other pursuits available to me. Or, am I smarter to use my time to my own, personal best interest instead of selling myself cheap in exchange for money? Oh! I hear you saying now, "But, I have to make money and sell my time so I can have shelter, food, clothes, health care and all the bottom level needs on Maslow's pyramid." Yes! You do need those things. And, not only that, but you also need to enjoy some of the wants that you'll develop. Those are rewards we owe ourselves. But, do we need it all? Are those financially wealthy millionaires and billionaires really all that happy? Are they really free? Sure, their lives may look glamorous, but are they enjoying their priceless commodity of time any more than those who value that time more.

Here's a question? Steve Jobs, a brilliant man and a self-made billionaire, died from pancreatic cancer. He was in his 50's at the time of his passing away. Did all that money save his life? He may have been able to buy a little extra time (actually, you can't truly buy time), but how much of his fortune do you think he would have expended if he could have actually bought more time with his wife and family and doing many of the things he put off until some unknown time in the future that never came for him? We've created this concept of having a, so-called, "bucket list" that raised awareness because of a couple actors and a screenwriter with a movie. The term didn't exist prior to the movie in 2006 or 2007.

So, I suggest that you and everyone you know have been millionaires since your first year on this planet and billionaires for most of your life. If I live to my expected Social Security age of approximately 83.5 years, I will have expended over 2.6 billion priceless seconds. Personally, I'm hoping for a lot more years after that 83.5 mark. After all, I've already passed the original 63 year mark established when I was born. How about you? How much are your seconds, minutes, hours and days worth to you? What would you give? What would you pay, if you were lying in your deathbed, to spend a few more years, months, weeks, days, hours or even minutes and seconds doing something you always dreamed of doing or sharing time with those you love. Is there really enough money that you could pay for that time if it were even possible? So, why not live like the billionaire you are? Do what you REALLY want to do with your life. Experience life to its fullest so when you finally close your eyes on this "experience," you take with you the most fulfilled dreams and the least regrets for the time that you gave away, had stolen from you or just plain squandered.

Who Wants To Be A Billionaire? ME! And thankfully, I discovered my intangible wealth before it is too late? And you?

Who Wants To Be A Billionaire?

You may be familiar with the TV game show "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" that began in England and has a U.S. version as well as versions in other countries around the world. If you know the program, you know that the host asks a contestant a question and gives them four choices to select the correct answer from. Each time they answer correctly their winnings increase up to $1,000,000.00. Of course, there are curves and pitfalls in the process to make it interesting. The contestant can quit after each question and take their winnings up to that point and leave. If they continue and miss a question, the game is over and they left the game with a certain prescribed amount depending on what level question they missed. Well, the show has been on the air in the U.S. since 1999 in network and syndication form and has been judged to be about the 6th most popular game show of all time out of 60 in the rankings.

But, I have a different game I want to play with you. I call it "Who Wants To Be A Billionaire" and it only has a few questions to answer. The rules are simple, answer the questions correctly and you win. Answer the questions incorrectly and you STILL win. "What kind of game is this?" you're probably asking. I can't lose. What great odds. So, here goes. Today you get the questions. Tomorrow, you get the correct answers.

Question #1. How old are YOU?

A. 29

B. 43

C. 68

D. __ (Enter Your Age)

Question #2. What year were you born?

A. 1984

B. 1970

C. 1945

D. ____ (Enter the Year YOU were born)

Question #3. What is the current average Social Security actuarial life expectancy male/female for the year you were born?

A. 77.5 years/82 years

B. 78.5 years/82.5 years

C. 83.5 years/86 years

D. ________ (Your life expectancy based on your current age, when you were born and your gender)

Question #4. By what age do you become a millionaire?

A. Age 1

B. Age 29

C. Age 43

D. Age 68

Question #5. By what age do you break 100 million?

A. Age 43

B. Age 29

C. Age 4

D. Age 68

Question #6. (Final Question) By what age do you become a billionaire?

A. Age 68

B. Age 32

C. Age 29

D. Age 43

Have you determined your final answers? I hope you have. These are all very simple questions. And, as I said earlier, this game has great odds. You can't lose.

I had a college professor in my senior year who ran his philosophy course on a very similar set of rules. At the outset of the class he told everyone in the class they would receive an A for the course. He said he would be there for every class, but it was voluntary for the students to attend since they already had the A for the course. There would be reading assignments and written assignments, but again, reading and doing the written assignments were voluntary. There was a mid-term and a final exam, however, he would supply all the questions in advance and the exams would be open book exams. In other words, there was no way to flunk this course. We all won whether we participated or not. I'll tell you the outcome of this class when I explain the correct answers to the six questions in the "Who Wants To Be A Billionaire?" game.

Tune in to the next post for all the answers.

In Review...So Much To Cover

Wow! The past several weeks have been a blur. There is so much that has transpired. I'm going to make this a potpourri of topics. Most of what I'll relate here will be of a positive nature. However, there may be a few things that come across as negative. These are my feelings and experiences and accordingly, you may accept them any way you choose.

The Living Free Blog

This blog has now been in existence for five years and seven and a half months. To date I have posted 431 articles including this one and 128 of the posts have been Photos-of-the-Week. It has grown from a very few views per month (my thought was, is there really anyone out there in cyberspace?) to a peak of more than 8,400 views in a month and a current average of more than 4,000 views per month. It has been viewed in 100 countries. Of course, the U.S. is where the predominant number of views come from. The U.S. is followed by France, Germany, Russia, China and the UK in that order.

So, why do I mention this? I mention it because I am in awe of these numbers. Now, let me be honest. I know there are many blogs that have numbers that are astronomical compared to my numbers. I follow many of them myself. However, I find that there is a growing interest in the concept of living free and the fact that people like you are reading what I have to say indicates that you are part of this growing trend and find some ideas and value in my personal thoughts and philosophies. That humbles me. I have a "Living Free" business card I hand out to people when I meet them in person (as I did on Wednesday and Thursday of this week). I have yet to have a negative response from anyone. The vast majority want to learn more and more about the concept seeking a way to implement at least part of it in their own lives. My attitude is that if I only impact one life in a positive way through my writing and/or exposing people to my philosophies I am successful.

The Daily Simple - Blog

While a main premise of my living free philosophy is living simply, I continue to find far more things of value to write about than I can ever get to. Just this morning I was reading one of the blogs I follow, "The Daily Simple," and the writer, Aubrey, made some interesting observations and tips on blogging. She says that writing for numbers, to build email lists, to fulfill a category or fill a niche and blogging on a very tightly maintained schedule are not important to her. Expressing her thoughts, feelings and experiences are what is important. I can easily relate to what she wrote after my eight years of blogging experience and five and a half years with the Living Free blog. If you're a blogger and you're interested in her comments you can read her post IT TOOK ME 8 BLOGS.

Rethinking The Dream - Blog

In another blog, interestingly named "Rethinking TheDream" (that's The American Dream) the blogger, who goes by the name Freedom, provided a link to a recent article in The Futurist Magazine, the magazine of the World Future Society. It's actually an article that appears annually and predicts the "Top 10 Forecasts for 20XX and Beyond." This article is about predictions for 2014. Prediction #5 seems to be one that resonated with Freedom and with me, "Buying and owning things will go out of style."

Here's the gist of this prediction:

"The forecast: “The markets for housing, automobiles, music, books, and many other products show a common trend: Younger consumers opting to rent or subscribe to pay-per-use arrangements instead of buying and owning the physical products. Shared facilities will overtake established offices, renting units will become more common than owning a home, and sales of books and music might never become popular again.” From “Consumption 2.0,” by Hugo Garcia, January–February, 2013."

I don't want to say that I can see into the future, but I've been talking about this for several years now. Consumerism has run amuck and probably done more to deprive people, especially, Americans, from the freedom that people came to this New World to realize. Of course, there is a very significant downside to this forecast. If this is a trend and continues to be adopted by more and more people, it's going to put a huge crimp in our economy. Remember, our entire economy is based on all of us running out to our local Walmarts, Targets, Kmarts, Sam's, BJ's and Costco Warehouse Clubs, Toys R Us, boat dealers, car dealers, motorcycle dealers, etc. and buying, buying, buying so that we can then keep the credit card and banks and  insurance businesses afloat with all the various kinds of insurance we need. And, of course, let's not forget all the housing developers who are building houses for everyone to own to become enslaved to the monthly costs of interest, taxes, insurance, utilities, upgrades, additions and all the stuff we have to fill the houses with.

There will have to be some serious rethinking by all these huge industries and by our governments who are totally dependent on tax revenue derived from the Gross National Product - the Economy. If the GNP declines, so will the taxes they can extract from our pockets. OMG, what will these spendthrifts do - will they be able to borrow MORE money to spend on things we could probably do without and still live very comfortably? Or, do you think they might just figure it out when our economy declines and the countries that have been keeping us afloat (make that keeping the U.S. government as well as state and local governments afloat) won't risk any more money on us and we'll actually have to CUT THE COST OF OPERATING GOVERNMENT? How would that work?

Well, change is inevitable. I personally get rather sick and tired of hearing our politicians urging us to go spend more money so the economy can grow. I love their rhetoric about how they are going to "create jobs." Doing what? If everyone is in a leaner, meaner, cutting back mode and that appears to be the trend for the foreseeable future, if not forever, then businesses are going to cut back and require less and less employees. Government won't have the tax revenue to keep hiring millions of redundant, less efficient, non-essential workers to do less work. It looks like a conundrum for those who are leveraged up to their ears in mortgages, car, boat, huge RV loans and credit card debt. Won't this be an interesting scenario to watch playing out? Those of us who had this figured out a long time ago and took the action to downsize and simplify will be relaxing and breathing easy as we live free and happy. Time will tell.

They're Baaaack . . .

Yes indeed! The nearly 800,000 non-essential federal government employees are back on the job again doing their non-essential work. Wait a minute! If they are non-essential employees that means that their work really is non-essential. So, if it's non-essential - why the hell are we tax payers paying for this work and these people? Seems to me that this is just another form of extremely expensive WELFARE with very expensive lifetime BENEFITS. And not only that, the government can't even call a spade a spade. If they were private sector employees they would have been laid off. But, golly gee Uncle Ned, they weren't laid off, they were furloughed. Now, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary the definition of furlough in the case of a non-military individual is: a period of time when an employee is told not to come to work and is not paid.

But, wait...the reason we had to "furlough" these non-essential government employees and relieve them from doing their non-essential work was because there was no money to pay them.

But, never fear, the modern day Uncle Sam is a very benevolent kind of guy. When private sector workers get laid off and whine about how they can't afford to pay their bills, how their mortgages will go into default and their vehicles will be repossessed, etc., I never see anyone in the government shed a tear or lose a good night's sleep over it. But, oh my, if a non-essential government worker is going to have to bite the bullet and struggle, suffer, maybe even endure some economic pain, well, our representatives can't allow that to happen now, can they. So, they furlough them, no non-essential work gets done, some of them even apply for unemployment insurance and get paid for not working. And good ole Uncle Sugar comes through and grants them all FULL BACK PAY for the time they were at home sitting on their asses, whining, sobbing and double dipping in some cases.

Wait! We didn't have money to pay them, which is why they were furloughed in the first place. But, hey! That's okay; our representatives passed a bill allowing the government to borrow more money on top of the 17+ TRILLION dollars (actually an estimated $123 TRILLION dollars in unfunded liabilities) visible national debt. So, the Chinese and Japanese and any other "sucker" country will pay all that back pay and continue to pay the non-essential workers doing non-essential work. Additionally, they'll pay my (our, for those of us receiving our BENEFITS - they are NOT entitlements, thank you very much) Social Security and Medicare since those same shameless, incompetent elected supposed representatives of "We the people" blew all the money they were entrusted with to make grow to pay to us one day. Social Security and Medicare are NOT entitlements. They were funded by involuntary contributions everyone has to make. If one is self-employed it costs about 15.6% of your annual salary or if you are employed the 15.6% involuntary tax is split 50/50 with your employer up to a cap of $113,700 of your salary.

Unfortunately, those funds were swept into the general fund and the Social Security and Medicare trusts were left with IOU's which are, for all practical intents and purposes, worthless because they are backed by the good credit and faith of a government that has unfunded liabilities of about $123 Trillion dollars and no way to fund them. In real world terms, that's called BANKRUPT!

So, did anyone REALLY think that the "so-called" government shutdown (which it never really was since we only furloughed, WITH FULL PAY, 800,000 non-essential workers who were doing non-essential work) would stay "shutdown" for long and that at least a temporary increase in the borrowing ceiling wouldn't be passed at the 11th hour? Of course you didn't and neither did I. It was all just posturing. It's like a bunch of bullies on the playground when we were in elementary school. There was only one loser from all of this bullshit and that was the average American citizen. I just keep wondering how long it's going to take for the majority of this country to wake up to reality. But, here's the real clincher. Some of those people who were furloughed actually did have important, or shall we call them essential, jobs and lots of other truly non-essential government employees were kept working because they served the pleasure of the "ruling class." I'm sure the president's chef and butler's and all the secret service, etc. weren't furloughed. After all, our employee, the president of the United States couldn't be expected to have his wife cook him a meal or worse, yet, the president open a can of soup and warm it up in the microwave. And many of the people furloughed, maybe even a large percentage of them, were furloughed to make the American people feel pain for political purposes. Bottom line, the entire shutdown, in my opinion was a political sham, blackmail.

The Informed vs. The Uninformed

I took an online quiz this morning sent to me by an old high-school friend. The quiz, The News IQ Quiz, was from the Pew Research Center and asked only 13 questions. It compared my results against those of 1,052 randomly selected participants in a controlled survey. I scored higher than 95% of the rest of the population regardless of gender, education and age. Now, let me make this clear, I'm not boasting. It's really sad that someone like me, just an average American, can score higher than 95% of the rest of the surveyed individuals. The survey is, of course, supposed to represent a sampling of the population as a whole, as all surveys normally are designed to do. Actually, I find it scary that I found these current event questions so easy as to score in the 5% of the population who are informed on what is supposedly happening in our current course of events. My concern is that the other 95% of the people in the U.S. also vote and support the incompetence that is displayed by our government.

Black and White and Shades of Gray . . .

So, I was talking with a friend (a retired federal employee, who probably would or could have been considered part of the 800,000 non-essential employees) on my way back from my short trip to Pennsylvania yesterday for the Ribbon Cutting and Dedication of the Charlie "Tremendous" Jones Conference Center. I've written before about my late friend, Charlie Jones. You can look up earlier posts if you're interested in who he was. But, the friend I was speaking to on the drive back (by cellular phone with speakerphone) is a very liberal Democrat. He has told me on several occasions that it doesn't matter who the candidate is, whether he can spell his own name and tie his own shoelaces or if he's brilliant and informed or if he's a convicted rapist, murderer, money launderer or mobster, if he's a Democrat, my friend will vote for him. To him there is only black and white.

Now, to be fair, I have conservative Republican friends who have that same black and white mentality. It doesn't matter who the candidate is or his qualifications, if he's a Republican, he automatically gets the vote.

So the conversation slid into the current events of the 800,000 non-essential employees being back at work doing the non-essential work they are assigned. My friend, who lives right outside Washington, DC said he was glad they were back to work because the traffic and congestion was back down to normal weekday levels again instead of being as bad as the weekend traffic in that region.

Now, let me offer a side note, if all these government workers who were furloughed were whining and whimpering about being in such peril of losing their homes and defaulting on their credit card debt, what the hell were they all doing out on the roads burning $3.50/gallon gas in their gas guzzling SUV's and buying, buying, buying stuff in all the stores? Me thinks something stinks in the Nation's Capital area.

But, back to my friend, he immediately expressed that all the Democrats were right and the Republicans were stupid, wrong and trying to bring the nation down. My comment was that I thought that both sides were nothing more than juvenile kindergarteners fighting over a toy and neither wanted to give an inch and should all be thrown out of their offices - fired, if you will. He immediately started to object to me classifying his beloved incompetent, liberal, Democratic Party as juvenile kindergarteners. I cut him off and said, you had your say and believe your way - and I have my right to my beliefs and to express them. So, let's stop the conversation and agree to disagree because since there is nothing that he or any extreme right wing Republican could say to change my beliefs.

The Crux of the Matter

And that is exactly why we have the problems in the U.S. that we do. People let other people think for them and tell them what they should believe - and they do. I find no difference between the two parties as far as their mentality, behavior, ethics and, in some cases, morality. And, further, I don't think I can count the number of people in elected positions on one hand who are not there for their own self-serving reasons. Frankly, if I still had a young child, I wouldn't trust any one of them to baby sit my kid. I believe there are some positive things that are supported by each side of the two party system. Unfortunately, I find it virtually impossible to accept and agree fully or even halfway with either side. If you want to be free you have to think for yourself. Others may not agree with your way of thinking or your philosophies, however, to be free everyone has to have the right to their own beliefs and to live by those beliefs as long as they don't infringe on the rights and freedom of anyone else.

Passing judgment as to the choices others make is way above my pay grade. But, I don't want some elected, appointed or hired individual who is in their position - at my pleasure - and that of all the other citizens they represent, telling me how to live or run my life. They are there to serve us, not the other way around. That's right! They are our hired hands and should be kissing our rings if there is any ring kissing to be done. We pay their paychecks, they don't pay ours. I'm not interested in having anyone telling me I have to do anything, including buying health insurance or penalizing me if I don't. That's my choice.

Life is not black and white. And life is not only all shades of gray. Life is a pallet of 256 million colors and we should each have the right to paint our lives any way we choose.

Anyone choosing to work for any government agency at any level is fine with me. Obviously  I have my feelings about how many government employees are needed especially at the federal level. If you happen to be one of the 800,000 federal employees deemed non-essential and you don't like what I have to say, it's not personal. My issue is with the system. But, you'll have to Deal With It! Since I, the private sector and the GNP are paying your salary, we're ultimately the boss. I, like you,  have the right to think and express what I think. It's probably damaging to your ego to find out that you're non-essential, as it would be in the private sector. But, that's okay. That's a choice you made and I don't judge you one way or the other. I've had many friends who were government employees or are retired from government service. I lived my life the way I chose and you lived yours the way you chose. If/when the government finally gets to a point where it can't afford to sustain 800,000 non-essential workers any longer you may find yourselves among the millions of your private sector brothers and sisters who can't find good jobs. They may already have or you and they may lose your homes and will have to adjust to a more minimalist and simplified lifestyle, probably for the rest of your lives. This will be difficult for you and you'll probably be depressed. You'll have contempt for the private sector and probably for people like me who realized where things were going and voluntarily modified our lifestyles making us freer and happier than we've ever been. Life is nothing but choices and when you let someone else make them for you, you'll most likely never be happy with them.

I leave those of you who choose to live in a black and white world to your choice while I live in a brilliant, full-color world full of adventures and experiences. 

Who Am I . . . REALLY? Part I

What kind of a question is that, you ask? It's a very simple, focused, important question for each of us to not only ask, but to do some hard, analytical, introspective mining for the answer. The reasons most people never get to know who they really are, are several. But, to mention only a few, first, it's hard work (and we are always looking for ways to avoid hard work); second, most of us are way to superficial to truly dig beyond the surface; third, most likely, we're not going to like what we find; fourth, if we actually do dig past that superficial defensive surface and find out who is really under it, not only will we possibly not like what we find, but we won't know what to do with this knowledge.

I always fall back on one of my favorite authors, M. Scott Peck, when it comes to subjects like this. Certainly, we can also look to Fromm and Freud and on a more contemporary basis, Wayne Dyer, Dr Phil McGraw and Eckhart Tolle. They may all crossover in some of their theories and explanations, but each has his own approach to this idea of learning who one really is. We've heard people say, and you may have said it yourself on one or more occasions when you needed to figure out why something painful is going on in your life, "I need time (or space) to find myself."

Unfortunately, most people never do find themselves because reality and truth are usually painful. As children, we typically grew up in a protected environment where there was one or more adults, in the roles of parents or grandparents, who did their best to shield us from painful truth and reality. Some and, perhaps, most people never fully develop beyond that childhood level when they become adults. Now, as adults, the painful realities and truths are shielded by "defense mechanisms" like "passing the buck." Our parents passed this "shielding" on to us as their parents did to them and we, typically, will to our offspring. A marriage failed because it was his/her fault. A job was lost because the boss didn't like me or I was discriminated against, harassed or required to do jobs that I didn't feel were my responsibility. Friendships are end because he or she or this group of people changed or brought someone new into the circle or whatever other reasons (excuses) a person can conjure up.

Here Is A Reality and Fact . . .

You are a totally unique creation. Now, please, don't take this down a religious creationism or Darwinian evolutionary path. I'm not going to debate anyone on his or her personal belief systems. They are yours and I support your right to believe whatever you choose to believe and I'm not going to attempt to convert you one way or the other. It is scientific fact, no matter how humans came to inhabit this planet (along with every other species of animal and plant life), we are the sum total (in the case of humans) of 23 pairs of chromosomes made up of thousands of variations of genetic material from genomes we still don't have a complete understanding of. Setting aside the thousands of genetic possibilities, the 23 pairs of chromosomes allow for the possibility of literally trillions of combinations. The likelihood of there ever being any two humans exactly the same is beyond comprehension. Even identical twins, triplets and other multiple birth siblings are different from one another.

But, this scientific aspect of humanness is mainly about the physical attributes of each person. This includes the gender, race, hair color, whether one will lose one's hair or keep it throughout his or her lifetime, eye color, nose, ears, skeletal and muscular structure, size one will grow to in stature, foot size, hand size, the size of one's brain, the acuity of one's brain and so on. It, in my opinion, also determines our talents, gifts and abilities. In other words, some people will excel athletically. Someone else will excel in music, painting, sculpting, architecture, writing, etc. That's not to say that someone who is athletic may not be artistically or creatively inclined or vice-versa. It simply means that some will lean more in one direction rather than another by some predisposition involving the chromosomes and the genes. While in other cases one simply does not physically have what is required to be a modern day "gladiator" (athlete) while some with athletic prowess may not be able to carry a tune in a bucket or draw a straight line with a T-square. But, these are the observable parts of humans. We can visually see someone's beautiful "baby blues," naturally wavy, blonde hair, very long legs, strong upper musculature and so on. We may be a 90-pound weakling like in the old Charles Atlas magazine ads and believe we can transform ourselves into Arnold Schwarzenegger "body doubles" - but don't count on it.

This isn't the important part of "finding yourself." Unfortunately, this is as far as many people ever go. They create their persona and self-identity by how they think they appear to others and how they want to believe others perceive them. That's why we have such a thriving fashion industry, cosmetic industry, jewelry industry, plastic surgery industry, body shaping gym industry, etc. We spend, literally hundreds of billions of dollars on either trying to make ourselves into something we're not, look like something we're not and then keep what we had when we were young and defy the reality and absolute process of aging. We can't and don't want to accept the reality of who we actually are as human beings. In some cases, I'd call it "trying to play God" or maybe defy nature.

Is this bad? The answer to that is way above my pay grade. As someone who espouses a philosophy of "living free" and being controlled in the least number of ways possible, I tend to view most of this, other than good commonsense, as folly and, again, attempting to play God. Keeping one's self in good health and good physical condition to enjoy a full, fulfilling and happy life for as long as our unique, individually designed and created body will do so is the positive approach to living free. However, living with a medicine cabinet full of chemicals and utilizing mechanical and electrical devices to keep all of our pieces and parts working, even long after they've worn out and we are confined to an assisted living facility or a nursing home for years, is no longer, in my opinion, living free.

It amazes me to park on the QVC or HSN shopping channels periodically just to watch and listen to what I consider human folly. There's the Ah Bra and the Genie Bra, the Dr. Perricone's or some other person's "anti-aging" products, or the amazing tops or bottoms in colors that sound more like a super market produce and meat section. The list is endless as is the, never ceasing for a breath, pitching of these myriad products that I count as frivolous. But, all of this plays to the vanity and superficial self-identities that humans live with. It blows my mind to see 25 cents worth of one ounce of some cream in a $1.00 bottle and a $5.00 package with a list price of $225.00 dollars, but selling today as "Today's Special Value" for only $89.95 plus $7.95 shipping and handling and available in six flex payments of $15.00 each over six months (for a one month supply). And then they show the numbers of units being ordered. Yikes! A quarter million to a half million bucks of sales in an hour or two. I guess that's how some people are "finding themselves" . . . or is it "hiding themselves?"

Now, if it sounded like that was slanted more toward the female of the species, it was because that's who is most susceptible to these kinds of products in today's electronic marketing world. It all started with the Ronco Veg-O-matic from the father and son Popeil team in the mid-60's. "It slices! It dices!" The age of saturation television advertising (infomercials, if you will) was launched and now the shopping networks are simply 24/7 infomercials. "But, wait! Order now and we'll send you another _________ absolutely FREE, just pay separate shipping and handling." But, let me not be sexist. The male of the species is just as susceptible to the right offers. Perhaps, he's not drawn to QVC or HSN, but they capture his eyeballs (and credit card) on the myriad sports programs and networks with offers that appeal to the macho man. Let's not forget Mr. Ray's Hair Weave for balding men in the Baltimore/Washington, DC area back in the 80's or Rogaine, a weak version of Minoxidil, a high blood pressure medication that helps prevent hair loss and stimulates hair regrowth in some instances. I often wondered if you used your hands to rub Rogaine into your head to make hair grow, would it grow hair on the palms of your hands? And, then there is Viagra and Cialis. Men are buying into cosmetics and hair coloring, too. And when you see those Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley ads for the Total Gym, whom do you think Chuck's talking to about 6-pack abs?

The Point . . . Life is Superficial as Most People Know It!

The point is this. All of this is superficial. I don't believe that 100, 1,000 or 5,000 years ago our world was as complicated or as superficial as it has become over the past century or so. Men were men. Women were women. They each enjoyed certain small luxuries. The elite or aristocratic numbers were quite small and typically, they were the few who could afford the relatively few luxury items that were available during their various times in history.

Along with all the advances in our world have come a plethora of choices in lifestyles, luxuries, amenities and just downright indulgences. We, in the U.S., Canada, Western Europe, and the developed cities in Australia, New Zealand and some other developed nations have adopted superficiality as a way of life. When the question "Who am I . . . REALLY?" is bandied about, few people ever reach the point of truly seeking truth and reality beyond this level of superficiality.

Reverting back to M. Scott Peck in his book, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth, he asks a question and presents a three-part answer. The question is, "What does a life of total dedication to truth mean?" His three-part answer is:

"It means, first of all, a life of continuous and never ending stringent self-examination." That would be soul-searching or finding one's self.

The second part of the answer is:  "A life of total dedication to the truth also means a life of willingness to be personally challenged." In other words, facing the painful truths and realities about ourselves that we keep putting off, making believe they don't exist. What we don't know can't hurt (cause pain) us.

"The third thing that a life of total dedication to the truth means, therefore, is a life of total honesty. It means a continuous and never ending process of self-monitoring to assure that our communications - not only the words that we say but also the way we say them - invariably reflect as accurately as humanly possible the truth or reality as we know it."

In essence, what this is saying is when you do the searching and find yourself, "You will know the truth and the truth shall set you free." That's John 8:32 from the Bible. I'm not preaching to you. Though as a teenager I believed I had a calling to the Baptist ministry. But, that was then and this is now. I'm a long, long way from being a Baptist preacher or any other kind of organized religious preacher. I simply used that to illustrate how this concept of knowing ourselves is not part of some new psychobabble or new age philosophy. It is simply truth in a pure sense. This is where the Greek philosophers minds were ever exploring, the great frontier of truth and reality in the human experience.

Well, that is enough for part one of this article about who we REALLY are. I'll conclude my thinking about "Who Am I . . . REALLY?" Part II in my next post.